Dizzy Spells

I’ve been feeling rather dizzy recently. I suppose a number of things could be causing it. I suppose it could be the fact that the crape myrtles are in bloom. This could be affecting my allergies and consequently blocking up my sinuses and throwing off my equilibrium. What an idea, it seems so sensible and hence obviously ridiculous.

I have mentioned to a number of people that I have been having these dizzy spells. It seems I’m not alone; there are a number of other people I know who have also been having them. Not all of them have allergies, so after careful consideration I’ve come up with, what I believe to be, the only possible solution. Mind reading.

It seems that some benevolent aliens, cataloging our system have been using some weird extra-terrestrial mind reading device on the population. Apparently the united Uphat central command had decided that they needed to know what was happening on our humble planet, XUI833 as they call it, since they were unable to ascertain this from simple observation. In fact the sole agenda item at the last meeting simply stated, “What in the world could these beings be thinking?” From deep in space, they have turned the dreaded mind beam on us. Thus the recent unsteadiness, only it is not going according to plan.

The Uphats are now more confused than ever. It seems the average person is more concerned with American Idol, Nicholas Cage, iPods, flat panel screens, cheap romance, David Blaine, and digital watches than anything else. Given the current events of the world, our vast history, and fabulous literature collection they believe that something must be wrong with the beam. The Uphats have decided then that their only recourse is to turn the beam to maximum.

So please for the sake of all our brains please do you best, for at least the next few weeks, to try some deep thoughts. I’m getting sick of these darn dizzy spells. I have no clue when crape myrtle season is over.