Dizzy Spells

I’ve been feeling rather dizzy recently. I suppose a number of things could be causing it. I suppose it could be the fact that the crape myrtles are in bloom. This could be affecting my allergies and consequently blocking up my sinuses and throwing off my equilibrium. What an idea, it seems so sensible and hence obviously ridiculous.

I have mentioned to a number of people that I have been having these dizzy spells. It seems I’m not alone; there are a number of other people I know who have also been having them. Not all of them have allergies, so after careful consideration I’ve come up with, what I believe to be, the only possible solution. Mind reading.

It seems that some benevolent aliens, cataloging our system have been using some weird extra-terrestrial mind reading device on the population. Apparently the united Uphat central command had decided that they needed to know what was happening on our humble planet, XUI833 as they call it, since they were unable to ascertain this from simple observation. In fact the sole agenda item at the last meeting simply stated, “What in the world could these beings be thinking?” From deep in space, they have turned the dreaded mind beam on us. Thus the recent unsteadiness, only it is not going according to plan.

The Uphats are now more confused than ever. It seems the average person is more concerned with American Idol, Nicholas Cage, iPods, flat panel screens, cheap romance, David Blaine, and digital watches than anything else. Given the current events of the world, our vast history, and fabulous literature collection they believe that something must be wrong with the beam. The Uphats have decided then that their only recourse is to turn the beam to maximum.

So please for the sake of all our brains please do you best, for at least the next few weeks, to try some deep thoughts. I’m getting sick of these darn dizzy spells. I have no clue when crape myrtle season is over.

12 comments:

J Crew said...

I hope your not runnng into stuff. BTW.. how's the grill?

kludge said...

not yet...my mouth is a little sore...ask you can see from the post, my pain meds are working good.

J Crew said...

Well, I hope you get to feeling better and I look forward to teasing you immensely:)

Ando said...

...and I look forward to killing you soon!

Just so long as Marvin the Martian doesn't have to blow up the earth because it's blocking his view of Venus, I'm ok with alien mind-beams.

jenylu said...

I was a little confused by this post--the pain meds explain a lot! :)
Congratulations though on not missing a single day posting through your ordeal - incredible! You remind me of Jeff Graves!

SJ said...

Pain medicine - I completely understand - at our house pain medicine = reindeer on the roof!

Anonymous said...

Wow Peter....you're a tripper on vicodin. Or did they give you something heavier?? At first glance, I was nodding my head because you know I get dizzy every allergy season. It's actually from the elm trees, ragweed and chenopods that are so prevalent right now, I believe. I hope you're feeling better than you were yesterday and that you liked the mashed potatoes - Your sister

kludge said...

Ando-

I'm glad your taking the thought of mind reading so well. Maybe your not as worried as I am about they'll discover, or maybe they wouldn't mind about my desires for world domination.

kludge said...

Jenylu-
I wrote this post last night after a full dose of dope. I thought it very funny then, and then quite odd this morning when I posted it.

kludge said...

SJ-

I could claim that I didn't honestly believe this, it would make it much less hard to swallow... Can you ask Jeremy if santa was heading to my house next?

kludge said...

Sis-

Yes much better, thank you.

I'm on something called hydrocodone, its a big hammer of a white pill.

I really have been enjoying the mashed potatoes, Patricia and I are fighting over them... I can't prove it but I think she's lying to me about how much is left.:)

Ando said...

Well, there's not much they'll discover from reading my mind, other than how to beat Super Mario Bros. and the last 20 World Series champions.