Great Chinese Food

"I know the best Chinese place!"

I love Chinese cuisine, along with many other Asian cuisines. The thing about China is, like America, it's a large country yielding many different flavors from distinctive regions. Additionally some dishes like chow mien and sweet and sour pork, are American dishes, similar to the way the burrito arrived on American plates. I'm more of a spicy person myself, but anyway, "I know the best Chinese place!"

Practically everyone I know has said this about a different restaurant in town. I guess there is something highly subjective about Chinese food. I know I go to the best place in town but someone is all always trying to push off their mediocre moo goo gay gunk on me. I just look at them and say, "You should go to my place...only I can't recall the name."

I know it has the word China in it, but is it royal, great or garden? I know they serve good tea, have the best noodles in town, and are right next door to the diet center. (On a side note I'm pretty sure this is a standard diet center ploy; I always see them next to a donut shop, or pizzeria or something. I guess if you get too skinny you wouldn't need to come back.) Anyway the “China Place” is a good place and if I could tell you its name you might like it too.

I think all Chinese food restaurants are a just a random combination of two words from a pool of about twenty. I think if you’re going to open a Chinese eatery you need to just pick two names at random from a hat.

My boss and I exchange lots of restaurant talk, and I was trying to tell him the name of the place I go. After much frustration I broke down and explained that I couldn't recall the name and also unloaded my theory on restaurant names. He agreed with me, in fact he even took it a step further. He went home and wrote down a few choice words on scraps of paper, words like:
He put them in a hat and drew two at random. In ten draws nine made names of places he had eaten before. A very odd thing and certainly worth thinking about. Whatever the name Chinese food is a wonderful experience... Oh and try something new. Maybe even from the spicy column.

I was going to try and see if I could write a web program to generate some names for me, but it looks like someone beat me to it. Chinese Resturant Name Generator.


J Crew said...

Christine loves Chinese. I'll eat it and when I do, i like it, but I would never do it.

Jason said...

Whatever name is above the door it always seems that the place is run by the 'Little Jaded Chinaman.'

Some poor fellow who hardly speaks English that came over here, started a restaurant, and now works 17 hours a day cooking 13 different varieties of rice and chicken.

kludge said...

J Crew-

I understand. I feel the same way about Italian.

kludge said...


Agreed! Additionally you can always tell what he's been cooking by the stain on his face and apron.

Good rule of thumb, if your want to enjoy your food, don't look in the kitchen

Anomie-Atlanta said...

You guys forgot FORTUNE on your list!

kludge said...


Excellent addition! Thanks

jenylu said...

Fun theory and I LOVE Chinese food. (although Mexican is my personal favorite, the one I could eat probably 4 days a week)

Funny thing though, the three Chinese restaurants we frequent all violate your theory...Kirin, Rita's & Ghenghis Kahn. Go figure...

kludge said...

I suppose no theory is perfect. Additionaly I'm sorry to hear your paying too much for bad Chinese at Kirin! :)
(love the Mongolian BBQ though!)

Your in luck though, because "I know the best Chinese place!"

The "Mandarin Resturant" right across the street in the Safeway plaza

SJ said...

Thanks Kludge - I will have to try the Mandarin Restaurant. We like Gary Chu's - a little pricey, but good. Good theory too. I was thinking - I lived in a town in Missouri of about 12,500 people and there were like 6 Chinese restaurants - not a lot of other choices - but you could always find Chinese: China Garden, China Star, China Palace, Dragon Kitchen,China Chef, Mandarin Express - the list could go on and on. Fun theory though!

jenylu said...

Thanks for the hot tip Kludge. I happen to think Kirin has GOOD Chinese food, but I do agree you pay too much! We'll give the Mandarin a try next time we have a hankering.

kludge said...


I honestly have never been to Kirin, I was just being obtuse. For real a tip Patricia and I frequent Great China on Farmers Lane.

SJ said...

That is a good tip too!

jenylu said...

Obtuse--I like that. :) But honestly I don't think of you that way...maybe Carl of your ATG days does though!

2 a : lacking sharpness or quickness of sensibility or intellect : INSENSITIVE, STUPID

Call Me June... said...

If you'd like to encompass podunkville Indiana into your theory, add the words "Iron" and "Chef" to your list! Here in the midwest, every chinese restaurant is a buffet--macaroni & cheese included at no extra charge!

kludge said...

June- You mid-westerners have the right idea about food...all you can eat.

The only decent Chinese buffet here got a set of very low marks from the health inspector. As you can imagine we don't go there much anymore.