Rare Birds of the Painted Asphalt

Welcome to the guidebook of Rare Birds of the Painted Asphalt. For all watchers of rare birds of the asphalt this guide will try and outline the distinctive look and attitudes to the serious hobbyist. You will be able to correctly spot and identify these rare foul that appear mostly, at that mundane of locations, the parking lot.

The Spot-Craving Vulture - This particular specimen is easy to identify, it can be found loitering near other birds’ nests waiting for them to vacate. This bird is scared of long treks and requires a conveniently positioned nest, even if it inconveniences other animals. Other less perfect nesting spots can be open, but the spot craving vulture is blind to anything but its prize. Normally seen with a rather long row of birds behind it, it watches instinctively for bright white glowing.

The Skittish Circling Whirlybird - Similar to the Spot-Craving Vulture, the skittish circling whirlybird is very particular about its choice of nest. That is where the similarity ends; this creature is agile, impulsive, and elusive. They are normally only seen as a blur. They tend to weave in and out and can spot an open nesting spot from miles away. It is not uncommon for the whirlybird to zip in front of an unsuspecting nester and take an open spot that appeals to them. They believe it is their right, and pretend the opponent is not there, or sometimes they chose to believe the other invited them.

The Proud Painted Spot Eater- This bird is a real photo hog. If you are lucky enough to see one, snapping its picture will be simple. Additionally the spot eater believes that due to its beautiful coloring and what it considers superior shape, it will buffer itself with extra protection. The spot eater is known for building its nest in an area that could easily accommodate two birds. As a result other species are forced to nest in less inviting areas. The proud painted spot eater cares little about this and in fact considers the other birds less worthy of a nesting spot then himself.

The Hulking Compact Nest Builder –This enormous bird is twice the size of the other afore mentioned rare birds of the painted asphalt, but it is unaware of this fact. For some unknown reason this bird will build it’s nest in the smallest tightest spot possible. Moving itself in and out of the nest over and over to get a snug fit. This process can take eternity to perfect. Once in, it has little room to move. This will not stop the creature from spreading its wings, even if that means encroaching on other nests. Be aware that this bird will pay little attention to you, so observation, and possibly a picture or two should be a snap.

This is but a brief primer of the known Rare Birds of the Painted Asphalt. As always watchers, keep your eyes and ears open, and enjoy the viewing in this most humble of natures preserves.


J Crew said...

I am definitely the spot craving vulture and I'm not ashamed.

SJ said...

I am with JCrew - and like him - I am not ashamed.

kludge said...

Sj and J Crew-

I might have to change its name to the The Shameless Spot-Craving Vulture, as it seems your both so proud of your ways! :)

Brendan said...

I'm not sure what breed I am... I'll take the first spot I see, even if it means that my crippled passenger has to crawl 3 or 4 blocks to get where we are going.

Also, on an unrelated note, have you heard Weird Al's new "white and nerdy" song? It made me think of ATG.
Streaming version available at: http://www.myspace.com/weirdal

jenylu said...

It must have been a long week -- I have to admit I thought this was a rather boring review of a bird book until I read the comments and "got it". :) It's much funnier now!

kludge said...


I'm glad it made sense, I have to say the whole idea struck me pretty funny. Oh well, I'll keep trying

And remember to expect the unexpected. :)

kludge said...

Brendan- I'll check it out! Thanks for the link.

jenylu said...

My comment was tattling on my slowness -- you were very clever!

SJ said...


I like the new name - yes, I am quite proud of my Spot Craving Ways

Call Me June... said...

I will admit, I didn't get this post until Jeff explained it to me. Apparently Jennylu isn't the only slow one. You know the old saying... "birds of a feather" (in keeping with the theme!) Armed with a simple explanation however, I found it quite amusing!