KludgeSpot GiveAway!

My how we have grown. I have the opportunity to do something I've never done before. Give away a free product to a Kludge Spot reader!

The good folks at CNS Office Furniture have graciously donated a prize to a lucky Kludge Spot reader. What they're giving away:
Skooba Laptop Satchel:
  • Fits most 17” screen laptops
  • 15+ pockets and compartments
  • Accessory organizer for phone, gadgets and more

  • The CNS website is loaded for bear will all types of office furniture and accessories. They've got a full compliment of computer desks, bookcases, office chairs and travel bags. They also boast a staggering array of office accessories, necessities and more. A veritable office playground of the interwebs. In addition most of the listing I encountered offered free shipping! A welcome break in these trouble economic times. I was generously offered any product within a certain budget to review personally. I instead chose to give something away, because it sounded like more fun!

    So how will it work? Simple enough. I would like a caption submitted to the below photo:

    Here's one to get you started:
    "A ticket for public indecency?"
    "Rules are rules, let out the tights a bit! Look we fined the Man of Steel too!"

    The Game Rules:

  • 1. No vulgarity. I reserve the right to delete any comment. This will remove you from the contest

  • 2. Wining. I will randomly draw the wining name from a hat on Sunday August 2nd of all caption entries. So simply commenting with a caption gets you in. witty, lame or anywhere in between The winner will be contacted Sunday evening via email, and announced Monday August 3rd.

  • 3. 48 contiguous United States Only (Sorry, it's a shipping thing)

  • 4. Contact. I need a way to let you know you've won the prize. So sign up with blogger, or OpenID, or something that I can contact you with. Otherwise I'll move on to another contestant.

  • 5. Have Fun!
  • Picking Fights On The Internets

    If you have any sort of Internet exposure, I'm sure that you've found someplace, somewhere in the vastness of the web to express your self. Regardless if the place be Reddit, Digg, Facebook, or the Northwest Knitting Club's Chat Forum, you've no doubt seen the flame war.

    It always starts off so...innocently. Someone somewhere makes a remark, and this dude, can't let it go. Seriously, all it takes is one person to get their knickers in a bunch, and everything comes tumbling down. I think the Internet is a great place for fighting.

    First off, everyone believes that they have all the answers at their finger tips. They accept websites with gross misspellings (yes like this one!) and Yugoslavian top level domains(yu for those not in the know) as "the the" instead of taking some time and really looking for an answer. Or better yet, waiting for someone who does know the answer to come along!

    Secondly, the anonymity of the interwebs is perfect for flaming. I mean who knows who ParisLoveBug really is. Why should she care is LoggerNights thinks she's an idiot. I suppose, for all intents and purposes, ParisLoveBug and LoggerNights could be the same sick dude, just having fun trying to get a conversation going. (Yes I'm speaking from experience here.)

    Third, there is something so entertaining about watching an Internet fight go down. You don't know if your agreeing with baseless charges of a thirteen year-old or defending the rantings of an ex convict, but it's always great to get the zinger in, and rally the support or knock down the other side. (Vi rocks you GUI craving babies!)

    In my experience the exchange is, in general, fairly close to this:

  • First reaction- Emotion - "Well I never!" Or "What gives thim the right" or "I always take out my RAM with the power on! Dummies!"

  • Second reaction- Defense - "I wouldn't have said anything if bozo brains hadn't a started it!" or "Well if you didn't want to be ridiculed you shouldn't have invaded Poland!"

  • Third reaction - Superiority -"At least I know how to make toast" Or "At least I've seen a positron!" Or "At least I'm not so stupid as a to suggest that Microsoft Bob was an OS!"

  • Fourth reaction- Guilt - "I meant your mother MIGHT be ugly" Or "I'm sure you ARE legitimate." Or "That was my cat who typed that... I fed him to the parakeets."

  • Fifth - Separation - "Where is everyone?" Or "looks like I've got to change my screen name, YET AGAIN."

  • I'm not sure if there is anything quite like an Internet flame war in the real world, so... If you haven't experienced one, might I suggest you go out a pick a fight!

    20 Things That I Just Don't Get

  • Girl colors. Red, blue and green. After that, I'm totally out of my league.

  • Running. Unless someone is chasing me, this seems like a pointless endeavor.(with apologies to Mr. Parrish)

  • Holding the bacon. If you're going to get cheese and avocado on your burger then order fries and a side of fried zucchini. then the bacon is the least of your concerns.

  • Sporting Stats. If the game was so boring that the only thing to talk about is someones RBIs' then it's time to find a new hobby.

  • Sun Tan Lotion. A useful product, but scary as hell. You have zero clue what you're rubbing on your face!

  • Reality TV. I want to escape reality, that's why I watch TV. Now what am I suppose to do?!

  • Penny Loafers. Are you really suppose to put pennies in there? Honestly, it looks pretty strange.

  • Reading my name at the grocery store. Thanks, for the bacon and insincerity. I'm not sure which is worse for me.

  • Bees. Are they all just looking for a fight? "Chill man. I wasn't looking at your queen!"

  • Wheat-grass shots. I've never seen someone smile while drinking these. There has to be an easier way!

  • Style. By this I simply mean, buying something not because you like the way it looks, but only because someone else does. Do they then have to buy what you like?

  • Pulpy orange juice. If I had wanted to chew it, I wouldn't have poured it in my glass.

  • 2001: A Space Odyssey. I will never understand this movie. Period.

  • Dvorak keyboard layout. What's the matter? Too good to use what's printed on the keys?

  • Macintosh Computers. Sorry Apple folks, I'm just not into overspending for a logo, and once less mouse button. And yes, it burns me up how slick the iPhone really is!

  • Regulating others. Save your offspring, if someone wants to do something really stupid, we should let them. Either they'll learn or not. If you can't change them, you're certainly not going to stop them.

  • Shoe collecting. It's like the smallest part of your attire. Why do you need thirty-eight pairs of shoes?

  • Chewing tobacco. Nothing says, "I don't want to make eye contact", like a giant lip buldge, and a brown drip down your chin!

  • Giving up caffeine. Is there a shortage? Then what's the problem?

  • Blogs. Who's so self absorbed that they think others care about their opinions! Wait...
  • One Bottle Of Uncomfortable

    I feel like a fish out of water, I’m scared as I walk around. Everything in sight is foreign. The population here eyes me with suspicion. They know I don’t belong. Can they see the fear in my eyes?

    “Can I help you?” queries the local
    “I’m not sure,” I say “I think I’m okay…I’ll just look around a bit”
    “Okay but I just wanted to let you know,” The over-bubbly clerk continues,
    “Body sprays are half off, lotions are two for one, and have you seen our new…”

    It seems to me that going to the local girly sent shop is as close as I’ve been to visiting a strange land. I’ve never left this country, not that I hadn’t planned to. We were going to go to Mexico once and got all the way down to the border, when someone high up in the government was murdered. I don’t want to sound unfeeling for this person, but I was quite disappointed that it had to happen while we were visiting. I just never made it since.

    Anyway the point is this shop is one of places I feel like I don’t speak the language, I’m not sure of the customs, and I’m not up on the currency.

    “Actually,” I recant, “I could use some help. I want to buy something for my wife’s birthday.”

    “Okay,” bubble brain beams, “ We have shampoo and conditioner”so far so good “Body sprays, body bars, shower gels or lotions”sigh...lost me


    “What flavors does she like?”


    “Well” she oozes “We have: coconut lime verbena, creamy coconut, coco-cabana, cherry blossom, country apple, honey suckle, mango mandarin, cinnamon pumpkin spice, sun-ripened raspberry, strawberry lemonade …”

    I smiled, leaned to the left and bolted. I grab three items at random from their pristine displays and slung them into my delightful gingham-bowed basket. At the front I’m manipulated into buying a darling box and bag of purple string confetti, just to move the checkout process along. I would have signed my life away to get out from under the false sunny lights of that enchanting depot. All said and done it only cost me half a year’s salary for the five items as they were having a sale.

    I counted myself lucky though, last Christmas I was attacked as someone "accidentally" used the back of my head for a scent tester.

    When Chocolate Comes Calling

    When chocolate comes calling, I find that I'm almost always home. It's not at all like Brussels Sprouts or even waffles, which I find I can say no to most of the time. Chocolate is something quite different, like the lucky street salesman, who happens to have the product that everyone actually wants.

    "Knock Knock"


    "Yes, I'm selling..."

    "I'll take it all!"

    "I haven't even told you what I'm selling yet."

    "I smell it! Give Me The Chocolate!"

    Point? None really, just a revelation. Take it or leave it.

    An Empty Hat Hook

    While trudging through a new book store
    I saw a hat hook. Nothing more
    Apparently used just for show
    On a pillar by the fiction row.

    I looked it over once, then twice
    Of antiqued brass it once was nice
    But why here this poor neglected bit
    For I could see no use of it

    Who hangs a hat near Bear or Clarke?
    Why should here it make its mark?
    I swear I found no use or function
    For a hat hook at this junction

    "So, what's your point?" I asked of it
    "I'm here for hats, you stupid git"
    I smiled and nodded most politely
    And then I gripped it rather tightly

    I ripped the hook right off its screws
    Then searched the store for the refuse
    I dumped it loudly in the bin
    The resulting crash, an awful din

    For no one feels bad for a hat hook with an attitude!

    Peter P. Brown 2009