Lazy Thursday Blues: Caption 27

Look It is once again Caption Thursday. Due to last weeks comments I didn't dare skip it again. I tried to find some caption craving captures for today!

Take your pick and caption whichever you prefer. Or try your hand at both! As always we need to adhere to good taste. Please keep it clean.

1Here's one to get you started:
"Could this get any worse!! Oh look, a bus is coming..."

Here's one to get you started:
Too bad the TV sank, or this would have been perfect!"

Stuff I've found this week:

Joystick Remote Yes! I totally want one!

Acrobots Wanna blow 5 minutes?! Don't forget to rotate...

Sports Candy Quiz A jock quiz as promised!! I only got #3 and #10 right...

I Love My Job

"I love my job, I love my job"

"What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to convince myself to get out of bed."

There are days when I have to use an excessive amount of will power to get out of bed. Actually what really happens in my brain turns on a mind movie. I'm lying in bed dreaming about the shark documentary my wife made we watch before turning in last night. I'm wearing a giant seal costume and find that I'm an excellent swimmer, but a lousy shaver. I seem to have nicked myself and I'm bleeding into the cool blue Pacific. It's at that point when my mortgage and electric bill dressed as a great white shark come zooming towards me. Why is it that everything always seems to make sense in a dream?

Anyway I wake up and realize that if I don't get up and get to work, my wife and two daughters will not have anything to eat, any place to live, or any clothes to wear. I'm still in bed. I also realize that we would have to sell the computers. So I soon find myself getting ready for work.

My drive to work everyday takes me past a poultry processing plant. It's hard to not appreciate what I've got as I chug by it. The smell of the place is quite distinct and while I imagine I could get used to it, I doubt I could get used to the enormous vat of leftover chicken parts. Sometimes I see them forklifting it to the dumpster during my few second glimpse into plant operations. The forklift has a makeshift cellophane canopy stretched over the top of it. Something I didn't understand until I saw a loose chicken head fall out of the vat and get deflected from the driver. Talk about unusual work hazards!

I really do like my job. I have a lot or responsibility and flexibility to do my job the way I see fit. Additionally, while my boss knows the end result he wants, he couldn't do my job.

"Whats wrong with the network?"

"A loose gandor bar slipped a notch during that last upload and I have to realign the phase matrix..."


Do I do this often? Well...more often than I should. I always fix the problem, but its fun to think that somewhere in the building a division manager is relaying this information to a director and they're both nodding and feeling good that the problem turn out to be something as simple as a gandor bar. Why didn't they think of that?

It's a good job and I'm lucky to have it, but there are still days I would rather be anywhere but at the office. Lately three big projects all came to a head, which will require me working over the upcoming holiday weekend. So this morning was a little harder to struggle out of bed then the last few mornings. I believe this is mostly owing the the fact that I knew I would have to do it again tomorrow morning and possibly Sunday and Monday as well.

As Longfellow once said so aptly, “Into each life some rain must fall” and in the end I must admit that I have it pretty good, and that I really do love my job.


Found this crazy obsession on Mr. Theodoropoulos's site

Post Recipe

Dream it up and think it out
Write it down and flush your doubt
Blog, Blog, Blog.

Adding here, a dash of spice
Just until the post looks nice
Blog, Blog, Blog.

Click it out, then read it through
Making then a change or two
Blog, Blog, Blog.

Watch your hits and see them grow
Makes you glad and proud to know
Blog, Blog, Blog.

See em come and see em go
Hits from here and there they flow
Blog, Blog, Blog.

Soon they die, and hits grow few
And so you start with post anew
Blog, Blog, Blog.

There's my blog post recipe
Season to taste, it's fun. You'll see
Blog, Blog, Blog.

-Peter Brown 2007

Wednesday Quiz

Three Actually.

I think I'm done with lists for a while. I certainly done posting them to Digg. What a nightmare. Anyway, here are a few really stupid quizzes. Enjoy and don't forget to post your results.

I'm 90% Geek. A little disappointed it wasn't higher. Something about Firefly, and Spelling Bees, two things I have no clue about.

90% Geek

This was a relief. I thought my addiction might have been more serious! I can handle 77%, That's still a fair amount of breathing room. I can even ratchet it up a bit!

49% chance of surviving a Zombie Apocalypse. This one doesn't look good for me...
49%Mingle2 -

Battle Of Wills

I'm currently engaged in a struggle that is testing my perseverance. I'm using all the means at my disposal but so is my combatant. It's come down to a battle of wills and I'm finding my resolve is waning. The thing is I don't know if I can win against it. It's large, severely well armored and ha a root system that would put a five hundred year old redwood tree to shame.

If you have ever attempted to remove a Juniper bush from the ground, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. These plants are the epitome of 'low maintenance'. You plant them in the spring of 1962 then forget about them for about forty years or so. Landscaping? Done.

The only catch is, once they're planted, they stay. They will quickly grow roots and anchor themselves roughly five thousand feet below the Earths crust. As you can imagine this makes them a little hard to remove. If you're lucky you will never have to deal with them. You'll kick the bucket first. Believe me you would rather die then try and uproot a Juniper. If you're unlucky you will purchase property with a number of these bushes and be asked to remove them. This will be said with the same sort of casual attitude as you would mutter, 'Lets order delivery tonight'.

As far as personal tastes go, I have to say I like the way a few Juniper bushes look in the front yard. They have a way of eating up a lot of empty space, they don't require hardly any pruning, and they stay green most of the year. My wife on the other hand, believes that they are the work of the Devil himself and has made it her personal mission to annihilate them from the face of the planet. This might be a bit harsh but needless to say, she isn't fond of them.

So as a compromise I decided to prune back our rather large Juniper bush that was encroaching on the driveway. In my head I pictured a sort of bonsai looking tree in the front yard. You know a nice thick truck with a dozen or so limbs all branched out evenly with a sort of wind blown and 'natural' feel. I have discovered that making something look natural is one of the most difficult feats of man.

It seems the Juniper doesn't want to be changed, and is working hard to stop my efforts. I have been cut, bruised, scraped and generally mistreated by this seemly innocent bush. Additionally I found it to be home to one of my least favorite species. Apparently spiders love Junipers. So instead if taking the time required to meticulously prune it, I started to hack at the bush in hopes of finishing a little sooner. I found that while I was 'shaping' it, branches were cut that should have been left alone. This cannot be undone, no matter how hard you try. Just 'putting them back' it will not help you. Luckily the yard waste container reached it's limit and my efforts had to be delayed till another day.

If all this weren't enough I also discovered that I am quite allergic to the plant. I spent most of Saturday recovering from my couple hour of gardening, by simultaneously, sneezing my head off, blowing my nose and gushing water from my irritated eyes. I'm toying with the idea that I might just be allergic to working at all, but I still have a long way to go till I can prove that. I'm only about a quarter done with the Junipers 'transformation' but so far I don't feel that good about it.

This newly misshapen Juniper bush of mine, that once looked like an overgrown, but lovable shaggy dog, now has the look of a miserable wet cat. No one wants a wet cat bush in front of their house.

So tonight the yard waste bin should be empty and I'll have another crack at it. I'm doping up with Benadryl, breaking out the long sleeves, the heavy gloves and firing up the chain saw. Tomorrow I'll either have a delightful Juniper bonsai in the front yard or an ugly bare stump. At the moment, I don't care which.

The Continuing Saga: Juniper Roots

20 Things I Learned From The Internet

  • You want it, you can find it online.

  • If you don't want it, you can also find it online.

  • It might take a while.

  • Sometimes the hunt is half the fun.

  • Everyone has a website. Grandfathers, mothers and babies. Everyone.

  • At some point, Google became a verb.

  • The difference between web surfing with Firefox and IE is the difference between body armor and a trendy cotton vest.

  • If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

  • The Internet is the geeks playground. Here, we rule.

  • Not that you would ever need to know the dietary habits of the South American anteater, but it's comforting to know you could find it online if you did.

  • When in doubt, Wikipedia.

  • Anyone who uses the term 'Interweb' has never been online.

  • Explaining the Internet to someone who's never been online, is like explaining the Magna Carta to your cat.

  • Almost everything of substance can be summed up with a “DUDE! Check this out!' and a hyperlink.

  • Be safe. Be cynical.

  • Some else already said it first. But that doesn't mean it won't be said again, and again...

  • The Internet IS redundancy.

  • There is no such thing as 'sufficient bandwidth'.

  • There's always something new.

  • You can never go back once you've tried it.

  • Feel free to add your own revelations.

    Lazy Thursday Blues: Caption 26

    Look It is once again Caption Thursday. Surprised?

    Take your pick and caption whichever you prefer. Or try your hand at both! As always we need to adhere to good taste. Please keep it clean.

    1Here's one to get you started:
    Lucky for Garret he was found by his mother before his father had finished cooking the fries.

    Here's one to get you started:
    There could be no doubt about it, this was clearly a French lop.

    Stuff I've found this week:

    Glowing Ice Sphere I think I might try this.

    20 Things I Learned From Meetings

  • Nothing is produced in a meeting, save boredom and animosity, which is more of a by product really.

  • A good meeting is nonexistent, but the better ones are the shorter ones.

  • Smile. Nod. Smile. Nod.

  • Only people who don't know about the problem or wouldn't be able to fix it are invited to the meeting.

  • The only real object in the meeting is to get out without being blamed for anything.

  • Having a meeting about an upcoming meeting is both absurd and too often a reality.

  • Laughter has no place in meetings. (see # 3)

  • The luxury of the conference room is directly proportional to the length of the meeting and inversely proportional to it's substance.

  • Managers train in 'meeting speak' which is the skill to talk for hours and say nothing at all.

  • No white board is safe in a managers presence.

  • The smell of dry erase pens help them to think more clearly.

  • No one understands the diagram on the white board. (see # 3)

  • No one wants your opinion.

  • Meetings are not the place for solutions.

  • Always have a list of anti-meeting excuses handy. “I have work to do.” will not cut it.

  • Meetings are rated not by what is accomplished, but rather by how many people attend. You're just a seat filling pawn.

  • Always bring a notepad and pen. No one really knows why.

  • If you're lucky, it will only go an hour longer.

  • If it weren't for meeting you might actually have time to get your work done.

  • There's a meeting about your recent lack of performance next week.

  • Free free to add your own revelations.

    20 Things I Learned From Coffee

  • You can't do it on your own.

  • Never skip a day.

  • Quitting is for losers!

  • You can't have just one cup.

  • Time passes much slower after your fifth cup. Has it only been 3 seconds!?

  • Good coffee is worth waiting for.

  • Even a bad cup of coffee is better than a good cup of anything else without caffeine.

  • Remember, water is for bathing, coffee is for drinking. Never confuse the two.

  • Happiness without coffee is a lie, don't be sucked onto the trap.

  • Never chat up a coffee drinker before their first cup. It won't be pretty.

  • When in doubt, add another espresso shot.

  • Yes! I do like the jitters!!

  • No I can't focus for twenty minutes on one thing! Hurry it along!

  • Hot coffee, warm coffee or cold coffee. It's not important as long as it's caffeinated.

  • Decaffeinated coffee is about as useful as slacks at a pig farm.

  • Go ahead, I dare you. Try and touch my coffee mug. You'll only do it once.

  • Coffee tastes better out of your favorite mug.

  • Instant coffee is the unnatural work of a supreme evil. Avoid it at all cost.

  • Real coffee cannot come from crystals.

  • Never refuse free coffee.
  • From The Editors Desk: Concerning Lists

    Gentle Reader;

    Over the last few weeks you may have noticed a rash of ‘20 Things’ list that have popping up this site. This was mostly owning to the fact that I was having trouble coming up with ideas for new posts. My editorials, letters, and stories are getting harder to congeal into enough actual substance for a post. So I did a few list as a fun, but not really thought out, post.

    It seems they have caught on. Indeed if anything, folks seem to prefer them to anything else I’ve done. Sitemeter recorded more than 2000 hits over this last weekend, which is quite substantial for this little blog of mine.

    I feel for a bit I will try to do these and see how they go. Like anything here, it won’t last forever, but I’m having fun with them for now. Really when it comes down to it that was the reason I got a blog to begin with.

    Thank you for your continued patronage.

    Editor and Chief

    20 Signs You Might Be A Geek

  • You collect funny SPAM messages.

  • You talk to your computers, not because you're bored, but because you're afraid they might be.

  • Your household ratio of computers to humans is at least 4:1.

  • You are completely free of tan lines.

  • When someone says 'organized sports' you think 'LAN party'

  • You have lost most of your social abilities.

  • You never used them anyway.

  • When you must converse with others, you speak a cryptic language of acronyms decipherable only by another geek.

  • No 'warranty seal' is safe in your presence.

  • You have a gigantic box of spare cables that you never use.

  • You could never be convinced to part with it.

  • You want your 21" Trinitron CRT monitor to be buried with you.

  • You understand why '42' and 'AYBABTU' are funny, and still laugh at both.

  • You're afraid of the telephone.

  • You're always free on Friday night. Free to play your favorite MMORPG

  • You consider 'Geek' a complement.

  • Your non geek friends have no idea what you do for a living.

  • Camping in the woods, without electricity, or wireless access is your idea of a nightmare not a vacation.

  • You have over 30 E-mail accounts, and check them all regularly.

  • You understand computers better than people.
  • Lazy Thursday Blues: Caption 25

    Look I'm still here and I'm too stupid to stop doing the caption game! is once again Caption Thursday.

    Take your pick and caption whichever you prefer. Or try your hand at both! As always we need to adhere to good taste. Please keep it clean.

    1Here's one to get you started:
    "I don't care if you thought it was an Ewok! You blasted that poor womans poodle!"

    2Here's one to get you started:
    "No tech would return to the dreaded wiring closet since Jimmy had gone missing two weeks ago!"

    Stuff I've found this week:

    Where did this come from? I have no idea...

    20 Things I Learned From Mondays

  • Mondays stink.

  • Mondays were, are and forever will be.

  • No one likes Mondays.

  • Anyone who does like Mondays are soulless undead or managers and therefore don't count.

  • Never ask anyone how they are doing on Monday.

  • Everyone is allowed to complain on Mondays.

  • Never try to complete an urgent task on Monday. If Monday finds out you'll be sorry.

  • If Monday's got you marked, you're done for.

  • No one ever beats Monday. Ever.

  • Somehow there always seem to be more Mondays than Fridays.

  • On Mondays, it's alway your fault, and there is no way to fix it.

  • Anything that was just a slight irritation on Friday always grows to an unbearable vexation by Monday.

  • Calling in sick on Monday only means more trouble on Tuesday. Mondays cannot be avoided.

  • Monday will never forget what you're due.

  • If Monday were a person it would be a crazed traffic cop. Not really evil, just too powerful, and highly vindictive.

  • Knowing that Monday morning is coming has a way of ruining Sunday nights.

  • Tuesday is one of my favorite days only because it's the point at which Monday is the farthest away.

  • If you did anything useful on Friday, you will have to do it over on Monday.

  • Monday loves to see you sweat.

  • In many places Monday is considered and dirty word and shouldn't be used in polite company.

  • Monday should never be approached with out coffee.
  • 20 Things I Learned As A Sysadmin

  • “Nothing’s wrong with the system” is always the first line of defense.

  • The longer you do this the less intelligent that users seem.

  • It always works on my computer.

  • I’d explain how I fixed it but you wouldn’t understand, so I just say “SYS-ADMIN USE STRONG MAGIC!”

  • Trust me, you’re doing it wrong.

  • </joy> <work> If you get it. It’s funny.

  • I’m not reading your email for fun; I’m checking the servers load.

  • Overhead lights wash out the monitor.

  • Walls are for your protection, indoors is where it’s safe.

  • I send Bill Gates a Christmas card every year. Poor code pays my mortgage.

  • Backups are never corrupted unless the data might actually be needed.

  • GUI’s are for the helpdesk and babies.

  • Windows? Reboot.

  • Declining social skills are part of the job.

  • Never trust a tan Systems Administrator

  • Coffee, Coffee, Coffee. This cannot be overstated.

  • The less rights users have, the better for everyone.

  • Managers should never be allowed to touch systems. This is just borrowing trouble.

  • Calling tech support means admitting you are fallible. Avoid this at all costs.

  • The answer is “No, I didn’t change anything” even if you have to lie through your teeth to say it.

  • >

    Common Sounding Species of North America

    Welcome to another edition of a bird watchers companion. This time we will tackle the much anticipated release of a new guidebook. Common Sounding Species of North America. For all watchers of the common sounding species this guide will try and outline the distinctive look and attitudes to the serious hobbyist. While many people do not like this particular branch of bird watching due to the rather loud cracking sounds associated with these breeds, I hope after reading you will feel different. In the end if you still cannot appreciate these animals you will at least be able to correctly spot and identify them as they pop in and out of your everyday life.

    The Knuckle Popping Knutter - While it is a rather regal looking bird you will probably hear it long before you see it. As you would imagine, the Knutter gets its name from its near compulsive knuckle popping. If it is not using its claws to open a seed or groom its feathers you will hear it cracking away day and night. Every waking moment the Knutter is a knuckle popping fool. It is unaware that many people find the habit quite unpleasant and will crack every last toe joint before pausing briefly and then starting up again.

    The Back Cracking Buckler - The Back Cracking Buckler appears to always be in pain, crouched over with its wings on its hips. While it is an interesting bird its constant groaning makes a lot of watchers wary of approaching it. It can be seen near any stable structure, trying desperately to maneuver around and push itself against it, in hopes of correctly popping its back to a point of working order. In truth there is little it can do for itself, not that it will listen to you. Many watchers have claimed, though reports haven’t been confirmed, that the Buckler spends a great deal of it’s time lamenting its condition and muttering about the good old days when it was younger.

    The Magnificent Neckler - The Neckler is the closest thing the sounding species have to a death defying entertainer. The Neckler appears to be like any other normal bird, going about its normal activities, eating, flying and grooming. When suddenly the Neckler will rapidly throw its head to one side and a deafening crack will resonate from its neck. The Neckler will then look quite astonished as it fellow birds have either flow away in fright, cringed in alarm, or fainted from sheer terror. The Neckler has no desire to in any way alter this behavior and in fact if rather fond of the feeling that his head might fly off on the next attempt.

    Theses are only a couple of the exciting species awaiting those who are aware and possess keen powers of observation. While we don’t have time to cover them all, there are many other wonderful foul that are part of the Common Sounding Species of North America. Farewell until next edition bird watchers and remember to keep your eyes open and your ears at the ready!