Hair Today...

Due to my recent dental work, I have been wary to shave my upper lip. I was going to do it yesterday but since I didn’t want to break down and start blubbering in the restroom I refrained yet again. Because I didn’t want resemble Adolph Hitler, I fashioned myself a goatee. This isn’t abnormal, I’m prone to use the tactic whenever I have a bad sunburn or I’m feeling excessively lazy and don’t want to shave my whole face.

During this interlude someone will undoubtedly mention it. I always feel bad telling people that have just complemented my choice of facial attire, that I have no intention of keeping it. I just have neither the patience nor desire to upkeep facial hair. I normally model the “I lost my razor” look. It’s a socially acceptable look for lumberjacks and the unkempt. I go about 5 days between cleanups, but try to shave by Sunday morning. With a beard I have to shave every stinking day to keep it looking good. It’s either that or go for broke and try my hand at the caveman persona. I’m not willing to go that far yet.

Not that it wont come in to style in time. I have to say that male facial hair seems to be the one masculine vanity that is always changing. When I was in high school it was cool to have sideburns. A look I tried, and only ditched when I started courting my wife. Soon after this, the goatee became king, where it has sat on its throne as the reigning lord of the masculine beard for a number of years. The goatee is phasing out somewhat by newer looks. Some I get and some I do not.
  • “The Soul Patch” - The goal is to grow a thick scrap of hair below your lip, in an area the size of your thumbnail. It can’t stop the cold, but it can be used to catch meal droppings in case you get a hankerin’ for grain or two of rice late at night.


  • “The Jaw Line” – This is a thin line of hair from ear to ear maintained with a delicate touch and steady hand. This shave was done first my accident and wasn’t discovered till late that night. But the damage had already been done and it caught on somehow.


  • “The Chin Strap” – I first saw this at a baseball game. This is just the lower half of a goatee. For those who like to rub the hair of their chinny chin chin, but hate to have their noses tickled.
I’m not sure what the next big look will be, but anyone’s guess is as good as mine. I’m personally betting that the asymmetrical look will be up and coming. You know, a quarter sized patch of hair on the left cheek, and half a mustache on the right, with maybe a sideburn for balance. Only time will tell.

11 comments:

Ando said...

In high school we always tried to get our resident hariy beast to do "The W", which is basically a full beard, only you keep the chin shaved. He never wanted to do it for some reason.

kludge said...

I can't imagine why? :)

It's funny you say this, because not two days ago a vendor came in with this look. his was think and bushy, like right out of a Dickens novel.

Emberli said...

Maybe the Amish looking big bushy beard but no mustache (can't spell) A.K.A. the "Abraham Lincoln" look will come in. Or the 70's cop mustache. Yikes!

kludge said...

hey Emberli, long time no type!

I will always rememeber my fathers handlebar mustache, but I could never pull that off personaly!

I'm hopping that the "tombstone" look comes back in fashion. I think I could go for the mustache and soul patch together, if I could carry a six shooter to boot!

J Crew said...

I recommend the picture frame. Grow the fulll beard as well as the sideburns and then shave your head, with the exception of the part up front that will connect it all together

kludge said...

J Crew-

That would be quite a thing to see! You should so do it! :)

Call Me June... said...

Jeff recently missed a dime sized patch about an inch left of center on his lower chin. It was an interesting look, not one I claim to be fond of, but interesting nonetheless!

kludge said...

June-

That’s great! Just wait he'll be the height of trendy soon!

That brings up another good reason to be an inconsistent shaver. I ALWAYS miss a spot, either a few hair, or a whole area. There isn't much to be done about it at 11:45 when you finally see yourself in the public restroom mirror!

J Crew said...

So you and Chris both have linked up, My lovely wife's blog. Is this the same blog or different? :)

kludge said...

Curse You Carrillo! A pox on your house.

SJ said...

This is bothering me - I actually posted a comment and it isn't here - hmmmmmmmmmm what did I do????