Weekend Musing

I normally don't use this space for journaling. I know that most of you don't come here to hear a grown man whine about his life. We've all got troubles, so I should just suck it up and come up with something witty to post. Come on geek boy, make us laugh...

As noted previously, I'm in a allergy melt down. The pretty flowers are in bloom and and my nose and sinus track are in full revolt. I'm a snot spewing, Old Faithful Geyser but instead of harmless water vapor it is a vile mix of nasal fluids. No one will be buying a t-shirt in the gift shop. I feel like an Icelandic volcano with an unpronounceable name ruining the long term travel plans of innocent bystanders.

"Well, that was completely disgusting."
"I was on my way to the store but I guess I'll go home and change now"

My solution has been nothing short of inspired. A brilliant mix of courage and bravery. I'm going to dope up on NyQuil, Benadryl and sleep right through this misery. Seems the world has other plans.

Saturday morning the wife wakes me out a Benadryl haze.

"Good Morning"
"So... Your computer has a Blue Screen Of Death on it."

Troubleshooting a computer while high on diphenhydramine is frustrating and amusing both at the same time. After about two hours of sleepy sleuthing, my observations skills finally kicked in.

"Hon... I think I got it!"
"What is it?"
"On no. Your hard drive crashed!?"
"I was going to say memory, but that makes more sense..."

Right after that I go a call from work and had to go fix a down site. The main trouble with this, besides my obvious denigrated teching abilities, is the fact I had to leave the house. I had to venture from my hermetically sealed house into a world of vicious Petunias and maniacal Marigolds. Needless to say, my nose was not happy.

After about two hours of being outside and there was nothing the Benadryl could do to stop the pollen assault. By the time I returned home my sneezing was at a fever pitch. I had graduated from tissue to paper towel in a hope of keeping disintegrated tissue paper from texturing my face and clothes in a foul sticky spackle!

So that was Saturday. Three boxes of tissue, countless sheets of paper towels, two Benadryls, one busted hard drive and a very red sore nose.

Today, I'm doing my best to stay indoors all day. Of course with the sheer volume of snot and phlegm expelled from my snout, it makes you wonder. Where does it all come from? A question that every sick person has at one point pondered. A question that might never be answered...

Benadryl & Coffee Revisited

I’ve decided that if I had the ability to change one thing in all of history, I would make the famous Santa Rosa horticulturist, Luther Burbank a boring banker.

Allergy season is in full swing here in town, and it is especially bad this year as in California we were initiated with copious amounts of rain. Rain makes things wet and the wet things tend to grow real good like. (Forgive me...I'm having a trouble concentrating as you will soon find out why) Anyway, these wet growing things have pollen in them. Pollen is the enemy.

I can no long sustain life on my own. I’m at symbiosis with a small pink pill, and a lovely brown liquid. This means that if I do not take the pink pill daily, I will die a horrible death, caused by sneezing my head off my shoulders. If I do take the pink pill, and not the brown liquid, I will sleep. This will cause me to miss my life, and work. This will result in no money, and no means to buy the pink pills, and eventually aforementioned embarrassing death. For the most part I can live with this solution.

Luther Burbank was a famous horticulturist. He is credited for the introduction of over 800 plants including hundreds of ornamental flowers. (All pollen producing enemies!) His plant species are all over Santa Rosa. I believe he was a sadist. I have no evidence except for the fact that thousands of people in Sonoma County suffer daily because of this mans sick fascination with pretty flowers.

When I moved up here from Los Angeles area, it seemed so serene. No smog, no traffic no Dodger fans. I could finally breathe easy. Then came spring. I went to the allergist, who, after numerous test concluded that I am allergic to roughly 2/3’s of Santa Rosa plant life. Happy freaking day! Well, there certainly had to be a solution to this problem, right? I remember my grandmother once told me, grow up and become an allergist, or a podiatrist. “Peter,” she smiled “Your patients never have emergencies, and they never get better.” She was right on the money.

So every year I spend late Spring in abject misery, locked in a hermetically sealed room, hiding from the daisies, crape myrtles and yelling at nieghbors who have the audacity to mow their lawns!

What can be done? Benadryl has been my only answer. Benadryl is sweet nectar from heaven. I love Benadryl commercials, always showing happy people outside playing, or driving in a convertible. What they don’t tell you, is after you take a Benadryl, your really only ready for one thing; Sleeping. You never knew you could fall asleep slumped over your lawnmower, or halfway between bites at your local Penny Henny’s. Often referred to as the nurse’s sleeping pill, Benadryl means you will be unfit to walk, talk, drive, eat, and most of all, live your life.

My eyes are no longer closed shut, due to red, swollen discomfort, but instead weighted shut by the eyelid lead that is a Benadryl.

What can be done? Coffee. Drink 17 cups of coffee a day to counteract the effects of one Benadryl. You can now walk, talk, eat, and drive. Not that anyone would want to walk, talk, eat or drive anywhere with you. Your awake, but at what cost? You’re a nervous wreck and you can’t concentrate on any subject for longer than 30 seconds. Additionally you will need to be within 7 seconds of a restroom for the next 5 months.

If Luther Burbank wasn't buried in an unmarked grave, I might just dig him up and give him a piece of my mind... what of it there is left. What was I talking about? Right. Sonoma County – Paradise, especially if you’re an allergist, pharmacist, or Starbucks barista. Now excuse me I'm off to get some work d-- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Giveaway Results!

The Giveaway is complete. Thanks to everyone for playing!

Last night about 10 Oclock or so I put all the names into my 5 year olds sun hat and had Patricia draw out two names.

The first runner up was Stephanie! And will get to choose a pin or magnet for one of my cafepress shops.

Allergy to Nature
Battle of Wits
Beg for Bacon
Extra Spicy
Flees from Bees
Fueled by Caffeine
Geek Love
I Heart
Not Albino
Over Caffeinated
Power Corrputs
Road Game
Running Tool
Sleepy Work
Sushi Girl
Syadmin Magic
Wood Mangler

The Grand prize went to Jess!

I'll be sending her out this cross style pen made of Brazilian Cherry (Jatoba)

Thanks again for playing. And hopefully I'll do another one of these soon!

KludgeSpot Giveaway

I'm bored. I feel like giving stuff away. Anyone game?

Awesome! As you might know I make pens and things and post them on my WoodMangler site. So I'm going to give away one of my pens.

In addition I have some money in my Cafepress account. So I'll give away a second prize. A magnet or pin from any of my Cafepress shops.

So how will it work? Simple enough. I would like a caption submitted for one of the below photos. Or just say hello!

Here's one to get you started:
1: "I'm looking for a guy with a bucket of Buffalo wings. Yeah the whole herd just got wind of what's been happening and we are pissed!"

The Game Rules:

  • 1. No vulgarity. I reserve the right to delete any comment. This will remove you from the contest.

  • 2. Wining. I will randomly draw the wining name from a hat on Sunday June 19th of all caption entries. So simply commenting with a caption gets you in. witty, lame or anywhere in between The winner will be contacted Sunday evening via email, and announced Monday June 20th

  • 3. 48 contiguous United States Only (Sorry, it's a shipping thing)

  • 4. Contact. I need a way to let you know you've won the prize. And I'll need your shipping address to send it to you. So sign up with blogger, or OpenID, or something that I can contact you with. Otherwise I'll move on to another contestant.

  • 5. Have Fun!
  • Dream Oracle

    Looking for a dream oracle. I had a really weird one last night.

    I was in a house looking around and I found a scrapbook filled up with my blogs. That alone ranks as strange but it get odder. I see all my blogs in the scrapbooks, done up just like their respective websites.

    Then I come to this one...

    Legal Addictive Tigers
    Pick an animal and heretical relationship.

    Below that was a picture tiger nursing cubs.

    In the dream all I could think was. Why are my blogs in this scrapbook. When I woke up all I could think was, what the hell is a "heretical relationship" and why did I think it was normal? I didn't even know if heretical was a real word. Turn out it is. It means "of, pertaining to, or characteristic of heretics or heresy."

    So I ask you readers. Is there a dream oracle out there. Anyone got a clue. What does this mean? Ora am I just plain old nuts?

    20 Things I'd Rather Do Than Work

    I have a great job. I get to do what I love for a living. Still there are days when working is just not the first thing on my mind. Some days while diagnosing servers and tracking network errors my mind wanders to other places...

  • Checking Facebook for info on your friends latest illness and dinner plans
  • Hope for an office fire drill. I'm on team BLUE!!
  • Search the Internet for people to correct.
  • Coffee time!
  • Burning popcorn in the office microwave
  • Office blood drive. At least you get free snacks...
  • Break out the white board cleaner for a cheap legal drug trip. In a pinch use the sharpie for some note jotting
  • Sleep. It's weird when your body gets tired of sitting in a comfortable chair all day
  • Time off for the dentist. Laughing gas; hello to my new best friend!
  • Search the Internet for pictures of ugly dogs. Woof Woof...
  • Office gossip.. er I mean expressing concern for Laura's hairdressers sobriety
  • Web based training
  • Searching Ebay for that must have vintage broken laser pointer!
  • Insulting Craigslist posters with $5 offers on their exquisite heirloom IKEA bookcases
  • Heating Styrofoam cups up in the office microwave
  • Writing irate informational e-mails to all employees about the dangers of Styrofoam and microwaves
  • A field trip to Marketing to see the beautiful people.
  • Star Wars coloring book time
  • Break out the office Yo-Yo. I usually do this while staring at my white board and feigning deep thought.
  • Hold a meeting to discuss agenda for upcoming meeting.
  • Blogging Anyone?