Oh Progress Bar


Progress bar, oh progress bar
How you taunt at me

I wait and watch with faith eternal
I pray on bended knee

I see you jump from ten to twenty
Just to sit at thirty-three

I sit and stare as nothing happens
As if my gaze you see

Soon as I start to push the button
Once more alive you'll be

On we go, up through the count
Now eighty-five I see

And as we reach for ninety-nine
I pulse with energy

The screen goes black then a beep
The cursor doth decree

That you've crapped out for the fourteen time
And I must punish thee...

Peter Brown 2011

iPad

Confirming what real computer users have all known for quite a while now.



Yeah...it's probably just my personal Apple envy, but it's still funny.

Talking To My TV



If one should visit in my house
They might surely hear me grouse

For if the televisions on
To it I am naturally drawn

And for some reason I relay
Whatever thought I wish to say

Once the show has then begun
Whether new or just re-run

Something takes a hold of me
And because of what I see

I call out to give advice
Or tell them that's overpriced

Or warm them of a lurking soul
Behind them on the lonely stroll

Or tell them the facts are wrong
As they orate to the throng

Even wishing I was mellow
I cannot help to stop the bellow

I do not want for a reply
It's just the nature of this guy

Who cannot seem to help,
Talking to his TV

Peter P. Brown 2011

Adipose


The best sci-fi alien ever. So I eat whatever I want and I help populate a cute and totally harmless species? I'm in...

Filling The Gap

Here I sit on a foreign PC looking to fill a gap of time and waste approx 28 minutes and 30 seconds. As I think about it, this is a task for which I am singularly blessed. Who else can burn up spare time like me? So... lets recall what brings us to this lonely desk with neatly places pencil sharpeners, a box of Triscuits and the warm hum of 25 odd computers...

Today I was sent out into the wilds of the unknown network topology. I was dispatched to solve a problem of my own creation. I, the network engineer damaged my child and without warning, and sent it's nodes into the playground of oblivion. This is not a good way to start off Monday.

"What happened?"
"The Sr. Network Engineer arrived and everything stopped working."

I'd like to pretend that it didn't go down that way but I would only be fooling myself. I'll leave that trait to the users, thank you very much. No, I was at fault. I was... um... tinkering? Adjusting? Tweaking? No, I was 'fine tuning' the network. That sounds good. Not quite as blundering as tweaking or tinker and less precise than adjusting. Truth was, I was removing the superfluous bits of spleen when I accidentally nicked the liver. Sorry for the medical analogy, I've been watching back seasons of House MD.

Anyhoo... The liver. It doesn't take kindly to being nicked. In fact it tends to bleed and do whatever else nicked livers do. Regardless, data access seems disrupted when it passed through the annals of this iron rich organ. People don't like data disruptions, or liver blood on their network packets.

So here I am, with 14 minutes left to fill, waiting for the users to leave the severely kludged network so I can patch the switch, er liver.

Sigh. Seriously the medical analogy is getting hard to maintain. Lets try again...

I play around with switch
I kill user access on network
I go home
Someone else fix network with duct tape on Friday
I come in Monday to fix duct tape and my stupid mistake

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. Shrug. Oh look, only 5 minutes left. Here comes Dr. Geek with his data scalpel!