Friday, September 01, 2006

Radio Drama

“Hello I’m having some trouble with my boyfriend. He’s sort of messy and”

“It’s not his problem, it’s your problem.”

"Well the reason I called was I wanted to know if I should talk to him about it, or…”

”You should leave the dirty bum”

“humm…”

“That’s my advice. Leave the bum and find a man who respects you enough to wipe his feet.”

“But, I really wanted to ask...”

[click]

“Next caller?”

I sometimes listen to a political talk radio station. I like to get current on events, know what’s happening in the world, and hear the opinions of people that I agree with. There are a number of very strong political talkers on my station, but something odd happens at noon. They turn the mike over to this radio advice person.

Advice is fine. You should seek the advice of people you trust, and people who know you. Taking advice from a nation wide radio personality who has only heard two minutes or less of you life is a very scary thing.

Our radio doctor, we’ll call her ‘Linda’, could care less about you. Linda is out to make money and the only way she knows how is to rip people apart at the emotional seams. Anyone who listens to the show is well aware of the format. Caller calls and begins to tell all. Our good Dr. stops them, tells them how stupid they are, why they don’t deserve love. At this point the caller will either do one of two things. Hem and ha to which they will receive a lighting fast ticket to “why did you call me, here’s what dial tone sounds like!”. Two they will say that they agree with the Dr. and they are no better than the mold that grows on pond scum! At this point the Dr. rubs in the point, hangs up and the dance starts over with a new victim.

I can understand listening to show. If you have some need to listen to your fellow man get chewed up and spit out, this is the show for you. Or maybe you listen just to make yourself feel better. “I’d never leave my dirty underclothes on the coffee table! Dr Linda is gonna make mince meat out of him!"

But who are these callers? People so willing to call and ask questions. These people must listen to the show or they wouldn't know the number, so why would they subject themselves to that? I just cannot imagine calling in to be abused on a national broadcast.

“Your ugly, no one wants to be your friend”

“Dr Linda! I just wanted to know if my dogs are a strain on the relationship”

“Your face is a strain on the relationship. Your dogs are the excuse shes using!”

[sobbing…]
[click]

“Heading home to my mansion. Be back tomorrow for more answers to your questions”

6 comments:

J Crew said...

I love those people. They insult you a few times and you pay them for the insults. Thanks a lot there Doc. When we get together again. It's kind of like when people call and actually try to talk to Savage and he rips them open. You want to say, you knew that was going to happen.

kludge said...

I'll I can guess is either these people do it for fun, or honestly believe they will be different. For some reason they will be treated with respect!

Ando said...

That must be why people always call into Savage and start out with, "Dr. Savage, you are the voice crying out in the wilderness. Without you and your cimitar with which you cut through the jungle of political rhetoric, we would all be enslaved by the commies. You are the sole reason I have for living. Thank you so much, my bright and shining star from heaven."

I guess they figure if they flatter enough he won't chew them out or cut them off.

kludge said...

People try the same tatics on Dr 'Linda' she runs through them with a meat cleaver.

"Yes Yes, What's your question!"

jenylu said...

I've wondered the same thing Kludge. Maybe they secretly pay people to be abused and then sound grateful.

I promise to be much kinder to those who leave comments on my blog!:)

kludge said...

Jenylu-
A good lesson to us all ,

unless we have nation wide support, try not to burn too many bridges!

Ando -

I would be remiss not to mention that I'm impressed by your 'intro prose'

It'd doubly funny 'cause it's true