Smelly Soap

There is a bottle of smelly soap in the men’s room. I’m not sure what it’s doing there, besides suffering. Most men I know will avoid the bottle of smelly soap like the plague if they have the option.

Obviously in the case of smelly soap or no soap, smelly soap always wins. That isn’t the case here. There are metal soap receptacles anchored to all the sinks, filled with the scentless soap that comes in 5 gallon drums from the janitorial supply store. This is man soap. The only better man soap is the sandy powder that you have to rub with water and pray that it will suds up before you remove all the skin from your palms. It builds character!

This sums up the men’s restroom experience to a tee. We like doing it the hard way; we want scratched mirrors, and too few paper towels. We have no need for full length mirrors, pretty flower arrangements on the sinks, or couches in the restroom. The term “restroom” means a rest from talking, thinking, or making eye contact. When we leave the restroom we have to “work” at being civil, courteous and polite.

So someone brought it in their smelly soap and left it on the sink. It screams in its bold bookman font:

“2 soaps in 1! I moisturize and nurture your skin! With a fresh lavender scent!”

Obviously the man either forgot it or was caught. Just as he was about to pocket it, someone walked in on him. He had to abandon the smelly soap to preserve his dirty secret. Much like the mini-van in the parking lot slowing draining it’s battery down to power headlights no one is using. The announcement has been made over the load speaker but no one is going to fess up. “I drive the mini-van" This is equal to saying "I use smelly soap.” This admission would be too much for him to take.

So sits the soap in the men’s restroom, subjected to sneers and ridicule only because it smells nice and has the nerve to moisturize.

13 comments:

Anomie-Atlanta said...

My current favorite boy uses smelly soap, it keeps his hands soft, but he also routinely screams, "I'm the alpha" at my dog so perhaps he does have some masculinity issues. :)

kludge said...

It sounds to me that he is still asserting his man urges, even with the smelly soap. I wouldn't worry about it. :)

J Crew said...

I kind of like the soaps... as long as they smell good. It would be cool though to have like sawdust smelling soap or something

kludge said...

Wow, maybe I'm alone in this whole 'smelly soap' thing.

I do have to agree with you though, I would go for some sawdust soap.

Brendan said...

I think you're right... you're obviously far more man then your readers :-p

kimmers said...

Happy Birthday Peter!
~Kim

kludge said...

Thank you! :)

J Crew said...

We should start our own line with the first fragrance being motor oil or WD40. Then we could move on to campfire or buffalo sauce. I think we got a shot at something big here birthday boy.

kludge said...

I'm with you J Crew!

I always put a couple dabs of buffalo wings sauce behind each ear after the meal. I find it goes with any outfit I'm wearing.

Joshua P. Allem said...

Your a man to admire the cracked mirror in the restroom. I actually prefer a clean bathroom with plenty of paper towels and any kind of soap, smelly or otherwise. But I draw the line when it comes to the couches. The first time I saw one of those was when I was rough and roudy at an office Christmas party and wound up chasing a girl into the ladies restroom. As soon as I saw the couch, I sat down on it and pondered why it was there. Another girl saw me there and asked, "Do you know what that's there for?" I said, "Of course I do!" But to be honest, I have no idea what a couch would be doing in a public restroom. Ladies, fill me in! What's the deal??

kludge said...

Sounds like a roudy party.

The couch there for a private place to feed little Billy. But I bet it gets more use for socializing than anything else. I used to be a janitor, that's the only reason I new it was there. Women try and keep their "plush restoom" a mystery to the men folk...

Jennifer said...

Josh!!
You went into the ladies restroom!! I'm shocked!!!!
And I can't believe you didn't know what the couch was for. hahaha

Kludge, what have you got against clean bathrooms? Is it so wrong to want to sit down and do your business without seeing and smelling traces of 30 other people's business? Just wondering.

Cool blog!

kludge said...

Jennifer -

I have nothing against clean restooms. I get carried away sometimes, while I'm typing. I like clean restrooms, and lots of paper towels, but wanted to make a point that smelly soap has no business in the mens room. I'm still totally against it.

I have a rule, I allow myself to exaggerate on posts if I think it's funny! :)