Ode to a Rubbernecker

I’m driving down the highway
As I’m staring at the mall
I slow the line of traffic down
To just a trickling crawl

I must see what is happening
If it’s important or inane
I’ll slow right down and slack my jaw
And mutter ‘that’s insane’

I’m not too hard to spot
I am the leader of the pack
With fifteen cars behind me
They wind around in back

Cops they need my presence
Or they couldn’t do their job
If some accident I missed
I’d drive right home and sob

When I drive I always know
That I’ve got alot of friends
There are strangers honking horns
And waving hands 'round bends

When I get out upon the road
I have no place I need to be
I'm just hoping for a pile up
Wow now that's a thing to see!

I’m a rubbernecking driver
And I love to watch the shoulder
I don't do it to be rude
I’m just practicing for when I’m older

-Peter Brown 2006


J Crew said...

My favorites are the ones on Petaluma who have to look at the corn maze that comes every year. What would these people do in the Midwest.

kludge said...

J Crew-

HA! That would be a disater!

Brian said...

j and kludge, as one that is writing from the midwest we really aren't too worried about rubberneckers looking at the corn, there is really nothing too interesting about it, just miles and miles and miles of it. and once in awhile there might be a soy bean crop. The thing that scares me is when the crop duster airplanes are flying, i would have to admit, that's when i become a rubbernecker myself. if you've ever watched on of these guys fly you wonder if they have a death wish or just are extremly gifted in their flying, maybe both.

Chris said...

You are the one!!! I have been looking for you for a while now. You almost made me late for that appointment!!!

Ando said...

I can relate to Brian on this one. When I was in Indiana last summer, we got stuck in a line of stopped cars on a narrow two-lane road because a crop duster had LANDED on it!

kludge said...


I wrote this after I almost murdered myself passing over a double yellow to get around this clown on Fulton.

I hate the rubberneckers! :)

kludge said...

Brian & Ando-

Things that just never happen around here! I can't recall ever seeing a crop duster...

SJ said...

Oh yes, the midwest - people here would have no idea what to do in the midwest - there are tons of HUGE corn mazes - they would be in awe! Yes, the crop dusters - quite a sight. Here is a link for the corn maze place about 10 minutes from where I lived. It is on I-70 and the traffic keeps moving - never stops. It is a fun corn Maze though and they do different ones each year: http://www.callawayfarms.com/

I am with Chris though - rubberneckers drive me crazy!