Right of Way

Remember to always stay on the right side of the road. It’s a good idea to make sure your visible, reflectors aren’t required but they don’t hurt either. Keep in mind to always give warnings before turns. Lastly when navigation in the wine isle, keep her steady. Any veering here could be very costly.

There are lots of rules in on the roads and it seems to me, with the time we spend educating people on how to drive on the concrete and asphalt, little is spent on how to drive on the tile and lamanated wood of the supermarket. I’m here, as always, to help you with all your questions. I’m going to do my best to provide a quick primer for the proper etiquette in the supermarket isles.

First off is simple right of way. The cart is king in the supermarket. This wheeled wire menace is both your best friend and worst enemy in the supermarket. Without it the trip would be near impossible, and you would be stuck carrying all those goods by yourself. With it you are a lumbering idiot, being pulled left and right according to its fitful whims. Remember if your cart is behaving properly, right of way goes to the person currently simulating the Exxon Valdez. No one wants to be party to a log cabin spill on isle eight.

When turning remember to either make eye contact or noise. I find that a running prattle of talking is a great advantage in the supermarket. It is essential people know where you are. I’m much more aware of the mother with the screaming child than the quiet well dress gentleman smelling tomatoes.

Always look behind you before backing up after selecting a product from the shelf. I cannot relay the number of embarrassing bumps because of not looking first. No one will listen to your side after you've knocked some poor soul into the soup can pyramid.

The produce isle is near impossible to navigate. I've seen more accidents and angry people in produce than in any other section of the supermarket. My advice is simple, skip it. Buy either canned or frozen produce. If your lucky enough to have a willing accomplice that will get your produce for you, don't brag to the rest of us.

If you’re brave enough you can chose the basket. Baskets have zero right of way. As such they must do their best to maneuver around the carts. The basket is the motorcycle of the supermarket. I find the basket great for weaving past the two cart pileups, label readers, deli talkers, frozen food window foggers and sauce gazers. It also is good for someone like me who is goes from isle ten to isle one and then back to isle eleven. The cart is no asset for the less than systematic approach to the supermarket.

Once at the checkout there are a number of simple rules to follow. Stay with you food. No one likes the wandering shopper. Or worse the ‘I forgot to get a can of tuna on the back isle and will be back after making everyone wait’ shopper. Use the dividers. I don’t want your smelly soap or organic peas on my bill. Your child can play later. You should work the ATM machine, not your nine-year-old.

That's pretty much it. The mysteries of the supermarket should be less daunting for you now. See, wth a few simple rules we can all get along in the isle.

My suggestion box is always open. Any pointers I might have missed?