Of Pickles And Corndogs

It’s a bastion of food, media, beverages and electronics. I feel safe within its walls. I stand awe struck, with a thousand of my closest friends, in a sea of frozen corndogs, and reams of paper. I just came in for some paper towels and I’m leaving with an empty pocketbook, and I have a lifetime supply of pickles. How it is that Costco can continue to stock items on the shelf that I need so badly is beyond me.

There is something about Costco that is outside of the realm of reality. I remember the first time entered one, it felt like another planet. How can we have suffering in the world if I can buy a case of chicken noodle soup for $7.99? Have you ever noticed how many items in the warehouse are $7.99? It seems whenever there is a dispute $7.99 always wins.

I love shopping at Costco, not just because we get huge containers of rations but also for the unexpected. The center of our store is like a bazaar. Every week they change out the contents, sometimes furniture, sometime caskets, clothes, or trampolines. You just never know what you’re going to get. I want to walk in with my hands over my eyes and yell surprise when we reach the middle. Patricia frowns on this practice.

The funny thing about saving money at Costco is storage. Let me explain. In order to save big, you need to buy in bulk, in order to buy in bulk you need a place to keep it. I have heard of people buying freezers so when they shop at Costco they have a place to put their 12lbs of burritos. We have a “store house” in the garage. It’s a metal shelf that serves as a pantry for the overflow. When we need a second jar of pickles, we grab a cart from the front lawn and wheel it into the garage and pick up the provisions for the next few days.

I love shopping at Costco.

I hate checkout at Costco. Checking out of a Costco is like waiting for a group of ladies to return from the restroom. Time stands still. I’m a social geek, which means I’m uncomfortable, but will talk anyway. I talk to people about the box of wine in their cart, I'll talk about the clerks or about my desire to buy popcorn by the case. Most people like talking in line. It's more fun than sighing and scouting for a shorter line. If there’s no one to talk to, I’ll talk to myself. This will do in a pinch. Either way be prepared for a wait, it's never going to be fast.

It seems that Costco cannot save you money and give you shopping bags; the two appear to be mutually exclusive. So you get used boxes in which to store your priceless finds. I suppose having to lug my pickles home in a box delivered there holding radish leaf soup is a small price to pay for the joys of Costco.

Just 3 hours of your day and a few hundred dollars. Costco, what more could you want?