20 Things I Learned From Tech Support

As long as the world turns, users will still have problems

Substance abusers and computer operators are the only folks called users. This isn't by chance

When in doubt. Reboot

Sooner or later you will meet a person who types out the words "back slash" or forgets to plug in the power cord. If you haven't yet, just wait, you will

Fear the phone. No one just calls tech support to wish you good morning

No user will tell you the whole truth at the beginning of a call

"I didn't do anything" or "It just happened" Are the users mantra

As a support tech, it is your job to break down resistance and get the truth

This is so you can rub the lie in their face, fixing the issue is just a perk

Some people will never learn

This means you will always have a job

Maintain a calm voice, even if you're screaming on the inside

The hold button is your friend

Whatever you do, don't panic

The answer to all users questions should be "Trust me, I know what I'm doing" even if this is a bald-faced lie

Users can smell fear. Once you've lost control, all is lost

A user who is not listening to you anymore, but rather is trying "their own thing" is not worth your time. Simulate a telephone disconnect and hang up. Trust me, you're better off.

Sometimes fixing a computer is easier than figuring out why it was broken

Users always want a reason things are fixed. If you're not sure just lie. They won't know anyway. "A stray electron passed through the processor and caused..."

If possible ask to speak to the youngest person present