Death Wish

Th stench of death lingers in the air. Hanging over my house like a dark shroud, striking down randomly and without any warning. It siphons off joy and prohibits any lengthy relationship from forming. I thought after the last time it ripped life from it's conquest I would be free of it for a while. It seems that was too much to hope for and now my heart is saddened once more.

The unknown killer took yet another DVD player from it's happy home. As with any DVD player that I dare to bring into my house, it didn't live a very long or terribly useful life. Apparently being purchased and brought into my house is like an electronics blackball. For one reason or another my house is as good as a bullet to any DVD player.

We have now lost 5 DVD players to the dark visitor. Four of those in the last year. The first one just stopped spinning up the discs, I guess it just got bored of it. Two started eating DVD's. I had to disassemble it completely to remove my MacGyver DVD, which looked like someone had given it a gravel bath. Three and now four just stopped turning on. Like they're pretending that no one's home. It's hard not to wonder if we either just have horrible luck, or we've made their conditions so miserable that these devices all have some sort of death wish.

Is the regular fair of Classics, Musicals, Sci-Fi, Retro Television and Children's videos just too much too handle?

"How much Star Trek and Calamity Jane do you people want to watch?"

"I don't know... Hang on, are you talking to me?"

"Yeah,. I'm sick of this! Do you have idea how many features I have? You have me hooked up with an ancient composite cable! Most of your movies don't even have subtitles! What's wrong with you two? Don't you ever watch anything made in the last five years!? Do you even have surround sound?"

"No. We don't really need it."

"I'm starving here people! I was expecting so much more! Action! Adventure! Comedy! You know...Like the pictures on the box! Did you even look at my box?!"

"I have the new Star Wars movie..."

"Whoa there, geek boy, you need to lay off the Science Fiction! How pasty can one person be?!"

"Hey! Look here, you'll play whatever I want, that's the way it works, cause I got the remote control and.."

"Oh yeah?! What if I don't want to anymore? Check this out...I quit!!"

!ZAP!

And with a small power surge, a puff of smoke and the smell of burning electronics, another was snuffed from life. Maybe five will be my lucky number... probably not.

6 comments:

J Crew said...

That is totally weak sauce!! I think that if you keep watching your normal stuff, you will eventually beat your DVD player into submission...hopefully

Windy City Survivors said...

We are on DVD player #3. Our first two were broke by something called children. They somehow manage to cram 2-3 dvds in the player and break it. Wayne went to fix one so we could at least use it as a radio, but his finger slipped with the screwdriver and poof, zap went the machine and it was dead. Hopefully #3 will last us awhile, not like we have many DVDs left after the kids have gotten their hands on them. How is it that they know how to get them all scratched up??? i think that vhs are a little more resilient to children! :)

Ando said...

That's so weird. We have two DVD players, one that we've had for almost five years and one we've had since before we were married, so about eight years. Are you sure you're using it right? Should I come over and help show you how its supposed to work?

kludge said...

Well I just picked up the cheapest DVD player I could find at Target. I'm tired of blowing out expensive players...Now I don't care, it can go south if it wants to!!

Missy said...

Because you are lucky enough to go to work 4 days a week, you really have no idea how many times the DVD, Baby Signing Time actually runs through that machine! It couldn't take it anymore. Come on, you give it sci-fi and kids,what self-respecting machine wouldn't lose it's will to live?

Sarah said...

We have lost numerous DVD players. Now we are using Chris' x-box to play our DVD's. Though what Chris wants the most is for our TV to go so he has a good excuse to buy a new TV.