20 Things I Learned From Pork

  • Pigs are for eating. E.B. White was a fool

  • If it was a part of a pig, someone, somewhere has eaten it. Additionally, they probably liked doing so.

  • There a few inedible pig parts. Even those have been tried numerous times.

  • Nothing tastes like pork. As such, it's not the 'other' anything. Pork is the one and only.

  • Even bad pork is better than the best veggie burger

  • Cured, Smoked or BBQed? Decisions, decisions, decisions.

  • Some people can't or don't eat pork. That's OK, this just means you'll be able to have a second helping of ham

  • With over a 100 variety of cured sausage alone, you will never find yourself saying "No, not pork for dinner again?!"

  • Cured pork *is* medication, the illness being lack of pork.

  • Pigs are designed to be dirty and gross, so as you don't feel guilty killing and eating them.

  • Of course once you've fallen for pork, you would eat it even if it looked like a kitten and frequently said, "I love you."

  • The four food groups could easily be re-written to,
    1)Sausage
    2)Bacon
    3)Ham
    4)Pork Chops

  • Sure you might gain some weight, but obesity is a small price to pay for ultimate happiness

  • Eating all this pork might also have long term health effects, but who wants to live longer if you can't eat bacon?

  • Pork simplifies your life. Breakfast? Pork. Lunch? Pork. Dinner? Pork. Sleep, Repeat.

  • There is no such thing as extra bacon. Anyone who has extra doesn't know what they're doing.

  • Italians know more ways to cure pork than anyone on the planet.

  • If you don't have an Italian friend, go find one right now.

  • If pork was ever to disappear off the planet, many of us would just stop living.

  • If you don't understand, then you probably never will.
  • 14 comments:

    Beerorkid said...

    I would eat a kitten

    kludge said...

    Thanks for sharing...

    Missy said...

    okay that first comment scares me! I agree about finding the Italian friend, do you suppose they have a pork think tank? My favorite way to eat pork is link sausage with my pancakes SMOTHERED in syrup, oh my! my mouth is watering....oohh maybe a close second is sausage chopped up with fried eggs and potatoes!! Well, I know what's for dinner.

    kludge said...

    Missy-

    yes, a little scary but quite amusing!

    I want a pork tank! I realized, after writing this, that the Portuguese are responsible for linguica, so at least most of us are covered there!

    Missy said...

    Absolutely, what I want to know is how does someone who has never read your blog find you? Does he type in "pork products" in google? The thought cracks me up.

    Aaahhh, linguica, can't find that very often here; backward, southwestern state! When we were in Hawaii I ate it every day.

    Beerorkid said...

    well if kitties tasted like bacon :)

    naw I could never do it, they just too cute.

    Ever see that Tick where Tick or someone says to a bad guy "if you are so evil, eat this kitten"?

    anyways found ya from getting posted on reddit, oh and you have a knack for lists I must say.

    kludge said...

    Beerorkid-

    I totally agree! If kittens tasted like bacon, they wouldn't stand a chance!

    Thanks, I'm glad you found me, and thanks for the link too!

    jenylu said...

    I never knew my pork chop had so much to teach me! :)

    SJ said...

    Well, I have to say that since I have been pregnant - and not able to stomach chicken - pork has become a staple for me - until then it was just "ok" - - -

    And as for eating a kitten thing - that does scare me too!

    kludge said...

    jenylu-

    Just wait till the Mt. Dew list...

    kludge said...

    SJ -

    I live for dinner at your place... There's sure to be a pork product in something!

    Well, it's a good thing kittens don't make good bacon, that's all I'm saying... that's all...

    Bunny said...

    MMMM, dead pig.

    Ando said...

    I wept as I read this post. Bravo, my friend. Indeed, what's the point of living longer if there's no pork involved?

    J Crew said...

    This might be the single greatest piece of literature written in the last 200 years. There is nothing else to say