Here we are, yet again, on the cusp of more knowledge that I'm sure I'm the only one sharing with you today. It has to do with something that has been bouncing around in my head for a number of years. At this point a fair amount of my readers, the ones who have been with me for a while, just signed off. For you poor unfortunate souls who remain, let me explain.
Whenever I start a post with, "bouncing around in my head for a number of years" this is a waring sign. It means you're about to get a major dose of nonsense. There are a good number of people who have had quite enough of my nonsense to last them a good many years. For the rest of you though, let me share with you my thoughts on gum folding.
I'm a gumer, a gumee, er...I mean, I gum. This was not always the case. For the last 3 years I've had a fake tooth attached to a retainer, and was unable to chew gum without taking it out. Since this was not an enjoyable experience for either the gum chewer (gumer) or the gum offerer(gumee)I mostly refrained.
Since I now have my new permanent tooth though, I am a very liberal gumling. I go gumming all over town now, just because I can. My only thing is this. What is the proper way to apply said stick of gum to your mouth?
"What!? Is that what this is all about? What are you talking about?! You just put it in."
"The whole piece?"
"Of course! Why not?! Why are you wasting my time with this gum eating stuff!"
"Aren't you concerned about choking, or how you look?"
"How you look putting gum in? No. Just shove it in there!"
"What about rabbit style. Do you ever 'rabbit' your gum?"
"You know nibble it a little as you insert it, so it's broken up my the time it's in."
"What about model mode?"
"Dare I ask..."
"In all the commercials you always see models folding it in. You know, they sort of catch the one end on the the front of their tongue and then fold the stick in half, smiling all the time. They seem so happy to chew gum. Do you think gum folding makes the gum taste better?"
"I'm not sure how..."
"I mean, you know, am I missing some euphoric gum experience by not folding my gum correctly? Like maybe, it releases certain flavors or something?"
"I try it every once in a while. Mostly though, I just mess up the landing point and instead of folding it, the gum slips back to my throat and I start to gag."
"Yeah, I know that can't be right. Anyway, I want to keep trying but I'm just not sure it's worth it. What do you think?"
"Think? I'm not sure I can anymore."