Party Geek

I have arrived at nerd zen, referred to fondly as “geeking out.”

”I’m sitting here in my office at work. I have two computers on my desk, one running Linux, with dual flat panel monitors, The other running Windows 2000, also with a flat panel. I’m installing Linux on a new server at my feet. The laptop is hooked up scanning for wireless connections. The warm hum of technology is like an inviting blanket of security. I feel the gentle glow of monitor radiation effecting me, I cannot stop smiling. At this moment I realize that I’m completely unfit to blend with normal society.

Most geeks are introverts and don’t talk much. I’m not. I love to talk, even if I don’t have a clue what to say. I remember a recent scene at the grocery store.

“Hey did you watch Nascar last night?” The well adjusted clerk asks.
“Naw... who was playing?” I respond. My wife lets out a groan and I realize this isn’t correct. “I mean... Are you a gear head?” I try and bluff him.
“Never mind... you want paper or plastic?”
“I was kidding, I love Nascar, Im a huge Bonds fan!”

At parties I’m a nerd in hiding. That is no small feat. It’s like try to hide and elephant up your sleeve. Most folks don't willing invite geeks to parties. If someone finds out you brought a nerd to the party, you better have brought an extra bag of chips, or more soda to compensate. We have an unnatural attraction to your household electronics, we lock you into dull conversations, or make you feel bad as we contemplate our feet, in the corner, without any punch.

For the geeks, here are a few party pointers I’ve picked up.

  • Don't Panic

  • Use your real name, not your web handle

  • Stand up straight

  • Don’t talk to your PDA

  • Always have some excuse for your behavior
    I just had a benadryl
    I didn't get any sleep
    I forgot to save my level 50 barbarian last night before the computer crashed.
    Either way, be prepared.

  • When someone says:
    “So what have you been up to?”Talk about movies, horses or taxicabs.Talk about hammers, canoes or coffee. Just don’t explain how you hooked up your new PCI Express video card last night and ran a polygon test, this never gets the awe and reverence you would expect.

  • “What did you think of the game?” - This means you have once again missed out on a sporting event. Now is the time to panic. When it comes to sports I have no good defensive posture. Smile and look uncomfortable, maybe they’ll go away.

  • Just remember have fun, and try not to be yourself.

    Ando said...

    I've heard you use that Benadryl one!

    Mike T. said...

    I have no comment... well I do but I have no comment.

    kludge said...

    ando - I'm sure THAT time I was sincere...really

    mike t. - your discretion is applauded. Though I've never seen you use it before.

    kludge said...

    I just have to say I love this geek picture I found... It's like the nerd evolution picture. From uber to awesome.

    J Crew said...

    Everybody loves their geek