Eternity at Borders

I was debating whether I should do this or not, and I’ve decided to lay it on the line. I have more embarrassing moments than anyone I’ve met. I will be sharing these with you every once in a while. I urge you to learn from the experience, and if nothing else, feel better about your own moments.

Since this is the first one I’ll start off with a small one and work up. This just happened at the Borders in Santa Rosa this last week. I go in looking to purchase Star Trek. I’m always a little shy about buying Star Trek. It's not that I’m ashamed of liking it, but socially it’s sort of a fopah. Either way it puts me on edge slightly which means my odds for doing something stupid have just jumped exponentially.

So I put down my Star Trek Anthology that is the size of a briefcase on the checkout desk. Smile sheepishly, and respond in the affirmative to questions about my successful search for goods in the store.I’m already on edge now, and clerk says,

“Star Trek eh…?” which means “so you’re a dork, eh?”
“yep”, I say
To which she responds “I-I-I understand.”

I’m already uncomfortable, and now she’s advertising to the whole line that I’m on a quest for nerd viewing utopia. I understand! In other words "we all have issues we have to overcome." So instead of saying any of this, I get nervous, down to my shoes. I then do something I cannot explain. I threw my head back and I laughed.

I laughed like Steve Martin was performing live behind the counter. I laughed like someone was tickling me. It was a room shaking belly laugh. I guffawed.

“s-s-s—sorry… I-I-I-I have a studder...”

I almost died. I wish I had. I wanted my heart to stop beating and have someone drag me out on a stretcher. No such luck. The next two minutes passed like hours. I’m not sure if I will ever go back to Borders.

Speaking of laughing, you should have heard my wife when I told her about this. She's so sympathetic. All she could do, beside laugh, was thank her lucky stars she wasn't there when it happened.