Cat Trees & Bamboo

I have an idea, how about I make Saturday "Embarrassing Moments" day? I have enough for the foreseeable future. The only choice is, which one do I tell you...
Story Circa: 2001
Patricia and I spend all night building a cat tree for our first born, Tucker. This was made out of 4 - 1 inch thick plywood rounds screwed into 2 - 4x4's with 12 - 4 inch decking screws. Needless to say it was the most solidly build cat tree that ever was. Two nights later we get into a fight. I'm so mad at the end I look around for something to kick. I wind up with everything in me and attempt to remove the top of this 2 foot diameter plywood round with nothing but sheer bluster and a payless sneaker. I easily broke my toe. I can't say that I heard it crack, but that might have been due to the fact that Patricia was now laughing, and I was sobbing... at least the fight was over. Something would have to be done about my foot.

Two years later I go to the doctor about this foot. This foot that I can barely put a shoe on without grunting or pounding my legs or chest. This foot that has been the bane of my life for the past two years. This foot that I was terrified to let any doctor touch. So I go to the doctor to have some work done. I'll spare you the details; I would prefer you made it through this post. Needless to say the toe was grim.

So the doctor explains to me all the steps he's going to take. I don't know what it is about doctors, but they are always willing to explain your pain, or pain you will have in detail. So he takes about 5 minutes explaining the pain and how I should drink heavily or bring a stick to gnaw on. So I say;

"Like bamboo under the fingernails, eh doc?" I smile. It's at this moment when the fact that he's Japanese comes into real focus.

"What is that suppose to mean?" He is quite upset.

"Body...this is the Brain... he's done it again...
"We know... triggering the uncontrollable heat and blotchy skin...all systems go"
"Mouth, can you muster anything?"
"I'll see what comes out...engaging mouth"

"Uh...I mean... never mind..."

He walked out, and someone else did the procedure.

6 comments:

Ando said...

ROFL!!! I forgot about this one!

J Crew said...

You are the King Of Pain... and embarassing moments

Brendan said...

You don't know how long I've been trying to find a doctor who advises me to "drink heavily"

B.Rad said...

Stop sharing these moments for free... I'll produce it, Andy will direct it, and you'll star in it... we'll make millions.

basically we just need to hook you up with a helmet cam for 24-7 footage... get it... FOOTage... LOL

kludge said...

Brendan - that might clue you into the calibur of Dr. good o'l doc pain was. In many ways I'm glad he left.

Though his replacement was a chatter. Ever tried to engage in plesantries while grtting you teeth?

kludge said...

Brad-
Your on. Have andy prep you on the details of my worst moment. It would be great one for a video post!