Forgetting Coke

I like Diet Coke, I think. As I was pouring out the Diet Coke in stages, it occurred to me how much work this soda could be. It takes me 5-10 minutes to pour a Diet Coke over a glass of crushed ice. When I can microwave my dinner in 4 minutes, I have to plan to drink pop.

On the Internet now, there is a rage of adding an entire container of Mentos to a Diet Coke two liter. This will make the Coke explode its entire contents, in a rushing geyser like stream of brown foamy liquid. Its pretty cool to watch, but that seems like a strange thing to drink. I'm not a fan of Diet Coke foam. I overhead someone at work say that you could make the foam go down quickly by sticking your finger in the Coke. If this wasn't odd enough, they actually did it. Now your fingers are covered in sticky Coke and you still have a head of foam that would rival most micro brewed beers. So I decided to put this to the test, at home.

Poured a nice lot of Diet Coke full on into a glass, foam raised high and threatened to crest the glass. I put in one finger… it foams around it. The foam is receding, but is it my finger that’s causing that? I add a second finger; theoretically this should double my de-foaming power… I still can’t tell. Three, four, this is getting gross, and I’m bored of it. I put my whole hand it, and send foam and Coke flying. THERE! I defiantly have more room for more Coke now. The Greeks would be proud; logic wins another victory, shoving your hand in a Coke glass helps remove foam. I wouldn’t suggest using this at parties.

Now you have your glass of Diet Coke. More than likely you are not drinking it, “For the Taste of It.” Diet Coke tastes just like it looks, like bubbly brown water. Your drinking it because you’re thirsty and you don’t want to consume 1000+ calories for a sugar soda. This means you care about what others think about you, because you’re regulating your appearance, but with all that carbonation, you’re a self-esteem nightmare. Belching like an under-educated over-zealous sports fanatic probably isn’t your idea of “fitting it.” Being the self-conscience person that you are you try and stifle your burps. Your eyes water and a plume of air escapes from your nose and ears, you cough and choke. You then take a swig of Coke to stop from having a coughing fit and start the cycle all over. Looking good baby!

Additionally all those cans of Diet Coke contribute to your overall aluminum intake, which scientists tell us might be linked to Alzheimer’s. You’re starting jokes and forgetting the punch lines, people’s names, and where you left your keys. People are convincing you that you owe them money, and that you were brought up by a herd of yaks in the Himalayas. But…

You look great!

4 comments:

Ando said...

I have no comment.

kludge said...

Your just bitter about your newly discovered yak lineage. Its okay, we still accept you.

ping said...

You know I just have to try try "coke geyser" now.

kludge said...

I've been dying to. Let me know and I'll tape it.