People ask me, they say "Peter why are you so mean?" "Why do you lash out at things you don’t understand?" I always say the same thing, you have to go all the way back my brief college career for that. I was in math class and I picked up the only math that I understand abused=amused. I can’t say I understand all the intricacies of this complex formula, but it works. (I feel like I’m pitching the salad shooter on late night TV)

“Jane, You just put in whole cucumbers, push the button and out come sliced cucumbers”
“But Rick, where did the whole ones go?” she turns to the audience and looks puzzled
“Jane, just Press It and Love it!”

So I was in remedial math, because I’m incapable of performing math. I try, but it’s not easy for me. I have to say that failing math 101a is a humbling experience. Anyway, my teacher was gifted at math, but inept socially. He launched into these long stories that he passed off as amusing. I only did what we all wanted to. I when to Kinkos an had some cards made up.

So Mr. Math Man is teaching fractions to a class of morons. He explains that the math community didn’t always use fractions. So these Mesopotamians where on a boat together and one brought up using ,a part of a number, or fraction as solution to this math problem.
“And they threw him overboard. So remember class if your ever on a boat with Mesopotamians, don’t talk about fractions.”
As you can image from your own reaction this flopped. BTW if your laughing, you might want to re think your own social interactions.

I raised my hand.
“yes, smiling student too stupid for me to recall your name,”
“I wanted to give you a card,” I quipped.

He read it aloud:

The Humor Counseling Center
Punch lines flat? Just plain not Funny?
Need a humor tune-up?
We’re here to help. Supportive staff. Free counseling.

Anyway it was a hit, and so was I. I had an instant reputation in class and since I was already a “D” student, there was no real downside. I still carry the cards around, though I don’t give them out as much as I used to.
No I’ve never called the number. I don’t want to find out it's something dull like an mylar balloon shop.


Ando said...

You are one prolific blogger. I commend you.

kludge said...

It's the voices in my head. They won't let me stop...and they say we're all out of paper towels.

Ando said...

Oh, and there's nothing dull about a mylar balloon shop.

kludge said...

Here's a thought; you read the post all the way through, then comment. BTW, your allowed to put more that one though in a comment... Let me show you..

Brendan left a comment for this post, I published it, and responed to it. I then censored it. It's my second "Bejiing" on this blog, and I'm begining to feel guilty. -- Apologies to Brenden, I thought it was funny, but some might find it offense.

mrschip said...

I dialed it and it directed me to another number for "stimulating" conversation. Must be about Mylar balloons.

Brendan said...

Heh, well, certainly no offense was ment... (it was honest though!) :-)

...and now everyone is curious as to what exactly was said!

kludge said...


I've been having fits of guilt for removing the post. It was an impuse, and I don't think it was that offensive. I've learned my lesson. Communism can stop ideas!