Those Who Can...

It is the sustainer of life. You can have bread but without the thirst quencher you have very little chance of survival. It gives both conciseness and clarity of mind. Without it I’m lost. Water is the basis of life, and I’ll drink it if I have to, but I’m talking about Mt. Dew.

Looking back on my posts, I am surprised this subject hasn’t come up before. They say that you can only write about what you know, and Kludge knows Dew. For those of you not in the know let me explain.

Mt Dew is a soda, but its more than that. To say Mt Dew is a soda is like saying Hitler was bad. It’s not enough. Hitler was bad, but to put it like that diminishes what he was. Additionally he never tried Mt. Dew, I’m not sure if it would have helped, but who knows. Mt Dew is sticky sweet, like relatives who find out you've won the lottery. It’s neon green like Anti Freeze, which gives it that toxic teenage allure. It is only mildly carbonated so you can guzzle without fear of making unattractive muzzle music. But wait there’s more! That’s right it’s got more caffeine then a Yuban convention. Whoop!

Now that you see the benefits, you can probably overlook the fact that it’s got more calories than a whole bowl of chocolate mousse, and some unknown substance referred to only as bromated vegetable oil. Shrug I feel fine, and I’ve have gallons of the stuff.

It’s hard to remember when I got hooked but It was sometime in after I was allowed to make my own purchasing decisions. My parents thought I was crazy, and wouldn’t go near it. They’ve since found the humor in it. My father once sung Patricia and me a catchy jingle he'd made up. And my mother is now stocking her fridge with Dew for when we come over.

I’ve yet to convert anyone, you either like it or you don’t. Mt Dew leaves little room for middle ground. Luckily Patricia is a Dewer. Here are some pictures from a bridal shower that her work had thrown for her. Yes, I’m the twelve year old. All her co-workers bought a gift and a two liter of Dew. We had decieded when we were doing the wedding registry to add two containers of Mt Dew. These folks thought it was funny. We loved it then and I see no reason to stop now.




9 comments:

J Crew said...

In the words of the loveman. If I were president, the first thing I would do is make have Mt. Dew on tap in the oval office. It is by far the best drink ever, the nectar of kings and princes.

Ando said...

May be your best post ever. As a fellow Dew-thusiast, I can't believe it's taken one of us this long to pontificate on his glowing green glory. You've inspired me. I'm going to the company fridge right now--which is stocked full of free Dew any time I want it. If you call or email me right now, we can meet in the parking lot and I'll give you one.

kludge said...

Deal!

littlerobin said...

Nations have fallen, and dictators have been overthrown; all without the slightest keystroke. But, my long blogging silence must be broken for a comment about the nectar-of-the-gods.
My personal record is 15 cans during one over-nighter.

Matthew Boyd

kludge said...

Matt!

Thanks for stopping by! With a fill up like that you must have been awake all week! Not to mention wore a path to the restroom in your carpet!

littlerobin said...

I don't have a restroom in my carpet.

mb

kludge said...

How stupid of me Matt, I guess I just lost my head.
Thank you so much for comming.

Ando said...

Thanks for meeting me in the parking lot yesterday. It was a wild ride.

kludge said...

thanks for the dew! I can only guess what your comment will seem like to the great unwashed. We sat at a bench, drank dew and chewed the fat, a good time was had by all.