Is It Catching?

“Is it catching? I was hanging out with the guy all weekend and he had it pretty bad doc.”
“The good news is, you don’t have it, the bad new is, it is highly contagious”

I feel like I have an illness. You can’t see it, but it’s defiantly there. I’m very careful who I tell about it. If you're wondering if you or someone you know has it, just look for the signs:

  • "Wow! That guy was moving at warp speed!"

  • "So where can I find the replicator? I need a soda."

  • "See my new Minivan? I've named it 'Runabout Rio'"
Liking Star Trek is like speaking only in Pig Latin. It’s not socially acceptable and it means you can only communicate with select group of people. That being said it’s also like any high addictive substance, it feels good, and you don’t want to stop.

I’ve now taken this addiction to the next level; I’m buying Star Trek seasons on DVD. I hide them because I’m afraid my friends wouldn’t understand. Believe it or not, there are a lot of people who are adamantly apposed to Star Trek. It’s hard to be a closet Trekkie.

That being said I’m not willing to boldly go to "Star Trek Leper." This is the fan that attends conventions, wears a uniform, has pointed side burns, and a com badge. You can see them talking to their cell phone like a communicator, or watching the skies for alien spacecraft. This is social rejection at its height. These people have one friend counting their dog. You need to be on your guard, because unlike the average geek, this breed wants to talk to you. They corner you at work or in the movie store and babble on about an episodes inconsistency… …

“On Season 2 of DS9, in the episode Shadowplay, Dax and Odo..."

Once their 20-minute dissertation is over its a quick "Live long and prosper" and they're off to the next victim.

I made the mistake of one time going to the midnight opening of a Star Trek movie. I would never have thought people would be brave enough to dress like Klingons or Bolians in a public place. They cheered for Kirk, yelled at the Klingons, and ate like tribbles. (If you’re lost, your one of the lucky ones)To me Star Trek is like listening to a Neil Diamond album, best done without any witnesses.

The one I feel the worst for is my wife. When I met her she wouldn't have known a warp drive or a space-time continuum if it got in bed with her. Now she knows all the characters, and how a deflector dish works. But I guess I'm one of the few geeks who knows all the songs in Guys and Dolls, and can quote Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice verbatim.

A match made in the Alpha Quadrant!


Chris said...

Perhaps we should start a group. Start Trek watchers Anonymous. I keep my DVD movie collection buried at the very back of my entertainment center so that when friends come over and want to see what I have they would have to pull everything out in order to see them.

kludge said...

My sister wants me to go to counseling...

Sadly, my collection is too large to fit in the back of anything. I'm going to just have to stand up one of these days and say..

"Say it Loud, Like Trek and I'm Proud."

..or just put them in the office under a sheet.

J Crew said...

I must say that I am concerned for your well being. This is scary. BTW:Thanks for the info on the Bush/finger incident.

Ando said...

First off, Pig Latin is way cooler than Star Trek. Secondly, since I imagine your main readership is friends, the secrets out. And thirdly, don't you ever diss Neil Diamond.

BTW, have you seen Trekkies yet? You must.

kludge said...


1. Noted
2. Ouch!
3. That's sad

BTW-No. I'm not sure I could deal with the awful truth of it all