Emergency Blues

For those of you wondering, yes I still have quite a few of these. Additionally I'm always acquiring new ones. I've changed the sidebar to help categorize embarrassing posts. If your ever feeling stupid come here, read some posts and you'll feel better. If you don't you should start your own blog. I'd love to read it!

I was taking a friend to the emergency room. She had been jumping into a lagoon on a rope swing and landed badly. She had waited two days, and her leg was in pretty bad shape. Her ankle was quite swollen. To be honest I’ve forgotten some of the details, the reason will be apparent soon enough.

“Julie,” I tell her in an effort to keep her distracted as we wait in the emergency room, “I’ve never been in the emergency room for someone else”

This was true, I’ve lived in the emergency room since I was little. Broken arms, sprains, strains, I’ve even had my face x-rayed. This is another good story, but not very embarrassing.

So they wheel her into a room and prop her up on a bed. I was standing beside the bed with a clear view past the fabric divider at another paitent. So this guy in his forties, with a John Deere cap is sitting there calm as a cucumber.

“Yeah,” he says “I just lost my grip, and then it happened. I was…”

This is all I heard. He put up his finger and there was very little left of it. I can honestly say I now know what a human finger bone looks like. He had either lost all feeling in his body, was overcome with shock or the most manly person I’ve ever chanced to see.

The next thing I remember was a doctor standing over me, as I looked up at him through the railing of the underside of the hospital bed. It seemed I had fainted barely missed the chair, fell on the floor and convulsed for a number of seconds.

Delightful!

Julie and her grapefruit sized ankle were whisked off the bed, and put in a chair. I was forced on the bed amidst a thousand protests and apologies to my friend. They made me drink Julie’s apple juice, count their fingers and the doctor even did a pretty decent magic trick.

Right about the time I was feeling like a two year old, mister ‘John Deere’ walked by with a small bandage on his finger. He was asking the doctor when he could go back to work. I think he smirked at me, but I’m not positive.

3 comments:

Roberta said...

Whenever I think I'm the only one in the world talented enough to run smack into a tether-ball pole while riding a bike, or completely halt a conversation by uttering some inane joke that I think is hilarious but no one else does, I just have to read your blog and I know I'm not alone! Misery loves company, right?

kludge said...

No doubt! It's a talent that few possess and fewer still envy. We have to stick together.

You'll have to share the tether-ball story, I'm now interested in how you managed that!

It's better to share them, then to keep these things inside. Though I am surpirised how many I still have to share...

Roberta said...

So I took your advice. You can now read the story of the infamous "Bike Incident" on my blog. It's a bit lengthy, but definitely funny.