The New Highway

In an effort to further turn my brain in to a goo like mass, I spent some time this weekend in pursuit of digital prowess. I wasted the weekend on video games. Yesterday I spent the afternoon a mere three feet away from a five-foot large projected image of an intense car racing game. It was unbelievably real. I was swaying with the turns, pitching with the collisions and generally getting way to wrapped up in the experience. I came very close to taking a couple of Dramamine.

Afterwards I found myself on the highway.

I felt like I wasn’t the only one out there driving like a maniac. I seemed to be in very good company. I can only imagine this has something to do with the recent racing craze. I have devised a number of new rules for the highway that would better mesh with my modern driving habits.

First things first, we need to ‘fix’ the speed limit. Currently the speed limit is nowhere near fast enough for the hazardous conditions needed for speed driving. Additionally I’m frequently late to work. I say we up the speed limit to a hundred and five. If we later find this limit to be too restrictive, we can up it but there is no sense in being ridiculous. For those stubborn people who will persist at driving sixty-five miles per hour or less, they can act as moving markers in the new highway slalom course.

Remove the lines. They’re fine for babies and bicycles, but we really have no need for them. With the lines gone you can now feel free to navigate the road as you please, without all the hassles of gore points, merging and the ever annoying double yellow. Blinkers should also be a thing of the past. Like we want the other drivers to know where it is we're going. Where is the fun of that?

Police. Enforcement of the rules is essential. The police will still play a role on the new highway, but with less ‘busy work’. All cop cruisers will be equipped with a front loader for shoveling derelict vehicles off the road, and freeing up space for other, more qualified drivers.

Add a few checkpoints, a finish line and a purse. Sure some of us might very well zip by our turnoffs everyday to complete our leg of the race but grinding the wheels of commerce to a screeching halt is a small price to pay for return of some joy on the highway.

I not sure if any of these new highway ‘improvements’ will ever appear on a ballot selection but I have to say, if they did, driving would never be the same.

15 comments:

J Crew said...

all we need is a pit crew and were set

kludge said...

That could be an interesting addition!

I'm still thinking about that game. We will have to break out the projector more often.

SJ said...

I was just going to say what J Crew said - I would be set with a pit crew who could in a matter of minutes have me back on the road at no expense to me - - - - I am loving the fact that you found the racing game fun - we can get you hooked on Nascar yet! Oh and I did well on the race!!! Finally!

J Crew said...

How about anytime.

kludge said...

SJ -

Clearly I needed to see a race before I wrote this, or I wouldn't have missed the whole pit crew deal. Real Soon Now..

SJ said...

I was also thinking that a few caution flags might be nice and a checker flag at the end telling me I have won - but I do like the speed idea :)

Windy City Survivors said...

Talk about needing an overhaul, Illinois needs an overhaul on their speed limits. The speed limit is 55!!!! You have the speed demons (who must've just played a video game) going 100+ zigging in and out of traffic, the "law keepers" who go 55 in the fast lane (who really are a danger to everyone, including themselves because everyone has to go around them), and about 95% of us who go between 65 and 70.---I have only seen about 5 people pulled over in the 5 years I've lived here, so we don't have the cops like you in CA.

SJ said...

By the way - nice pick of Jeff Gordon on the post - -

Call Me June... said...

Sounds like you had a good Sunday afternoon! I'd like to try that 105 thing, but I don't think I've ever owned a car that could do that! As for taking those pesky lines off the road... I think that'd be right up Jeff's alley!

jenylu said...

"Blinkers should also be a thing of the past. Like we want the other drivers to know where it is were going. Where is the fun of that?"

This explains a lot -- thank you for helping me better understand my husband! LOL

dinane said...

You, sir, belong in Massachusetts. Here, we don't believe in blinkers, ignore what remains of the painted lines, and rarely pay attention to the infrequently posted speed limit signs. Highway speed, especially on the Mass Pike (Massachusetts Turnpike, for the uninitiated) hovers at or over 80, with the real crazies nearing 90. We still do have those pesky law-abiders, but most of the time they can be counted on to stay in the right lane.

When I first got my new car (2004 VW Jetta, 1.8 turbo) I accidentally (and I really mean it wasn't on purpose) got up above 100 m.p.h. The only reason I noticed was because I took a brief glance down at the spedometer. I was so used to my old plastic car (1994 Saturn SL no-bloody-1-or-2) shaking and quaking at its top speed of almost-but-not-quite-70. My new car handled speed better, and the driverd around me didn't even seem to notice...

kludge said...

WSC-

They just lowered the Santa Rosa speed limit to 55 while they add another lane the freeway. That will be completed in 2008. I could just scream, and sometimes...

kludge said...

June-

yeah I'm with you, my pickup might hit 90 at top speed, downhill, with a full load. Either way it sounds nice...

kludge said...

Jenylu-

Your husband is teaching in our Sunday school class. From that perspective, it's hard for me to picture him cutting loose on the highway! We all have an inner speed demon...

kludge said...

Dinane-
I have never been. It sounds like my kind of place, well the roads anyway. It's nice to have a car that doesn't feel like it's going to shimmy itself to pieces!

I had a 1980 Dodge Volari (that I traded a 486 computer for)- top crusing speed 52 miles per hour, and a free virbration. At least my back always felt good!