Protective Planting

Do you suffer uninvited guests? Tired of solicitors who loiter at your doorstep? Do you have distant relatives who are looking to become less distant and more relative? Then this handy little guide is for you. Within it’s pages we will show you tips and tricks for the politely private. Planting arrangements that add that extra bit of protection without being overtly rude.

Some people will never get the hint. This is a rule of life. No matter how many times you increase the size of the no solicitor sign, they will continue to knock on your door. What can be done?

We suggest something simple for starters, like the overcrowd technique. Line your front walkway with flax plants. Flax grows to be one of the largest bushes there is. Planting several small bushes along your path is a simple way to produce a sizeable defense. This method will take time but soon no one will be able to find your sidewalk, let alone your front door.

If your not interested in the subtle and lengthy methodology of flax, you could go for a more direct approach. Nothing says, “Go away!” like a garden full of cactus plants. There are very few friendly parts of a cactus. Additionally succulents can be placed with a sort of gauntlet pattern. Most folks are not willing to brave a maze of prickly pears, or copper king when they can just go to the next house. Cacti have the added benefit of saying something of the owner. Something like I enjoy dangerous things, such as painful plants, tea without sugar and wrestling salespeople, please come in.

Some people are persistent to a fault and will find a way to believe that all these outer defenses were not intended for them. Clearly this veritable flowering fortress could not be attempts to stop their visit. For these individuals you need something with a bit more gusto. Might I suggest the bee bush?

The bee bush is a tactic used for years by the fast food industry to speed up orders. Placed right by the intercom. Most people will find a quickly ordered number five and a Coke always taste better than a dozen bees in your sport utility vehicle.

A good start would be a nice row of bottlebrush right across the front walkway. You don’t have to worry, this is a foolproof plan. These bushes will be positively awash with all forms of stinger wielding fiends in practically no time. Very few persons would ever feel comfortable crossing this defense into your abode. You can even be so bold as to send out party invitations, just to keep up the polite façade. There is something about a buzzing wall of bees that just screams, “Honey, I’d really rather juggle a set of kitchen knives than see the Fishers tonight.”

These are just a handful of useful ideas for those looking to decorate their residence in a host of fauna resistance. So relax, put on some sweats and kick up your feet, your dwelling is secured and your relatives will soon become distant once more.