Boating Bound

Everyone has to buy their boat someday. I’m not sure when this statement becomes a reality but I can assure you it’s the truth. If it were not the truth, they wouldn’t make houses with a doublewide driveway. Even contractors understand, you need to have a place to put your boat.

It amazes me how many boats there are in suburbia. It seems to me that this obsession with water floating is just a natural progression of life. Your born from water and you realize after a lifetime of dry dock that you just can’t take it any longer. At some point you just need to get fed up enough to want to sail away.

Grow up, get a job, get married, get a pet, buy a car, have kids, buy a house, buy a boat, then die fulfilled. There are people who die before getting their boat. Their souls are never truly at peace and they haunt the rest of us and say things to our brains like, “get the pretty blue boat with a big motor and a shinny knob to pull water skiers with.”

What is really amusing is the fact that you aren’t required to ever use your boat. You are only required to purchase one. The life requirement is in not the boating itself, but in the ability to boat. You now can rest in the knowledge that if you ever needed to you could go for a float. Mostly though it’s there for you to wash it, cover it with a tarp and to make your neighbors jealous. In fact allowing your boat to rust to pieces on your front driveway is one of the joys of many boat owners.

Additionally it serves to remind you, as you come home each day, that it’s because of the boat payment that you have to work so much overtime and you have no weekends free to take it out for a bob. That is an extra piece of irony that the salesman left out of his pitch when you decided on the sleek red one with the attachable bass fishing seat.

In the end though you will buy your boat. Sure you might get the motor home first and travel all over the county side but what will you find at the end of that journey? Water. When it all comes down to it, a continent is just a fancy way of saying big island. Sooner or later you will bore of driving on the same roads and your body will ache for new ones. There will be no driving off the island.

The human soul screams to explore. You must know what lies beyond. You see it is just as I told you, everyone comes to a point in their life where the deck is rigged and the hand is forced. So you will do what millions have done before you. You’ll buy your boat. The pretty blue boat with a big motor and a shinny knob to pull water skiers with. Nothing will stop you, not even your good sense.

16 comments:

SJ said...

My dad wants a boat really bad - and someday he miiiiiiiiight have one - but until then, his dear children got him a "model" boat for Christmas last year - so for now he has his boat :) However, he wants a boat to go fishing in - not a boat to ski, etc. I don't completely understand all the need for a boat - they are fun, but wow the expense - - - no thanks :)

kludge said...

They are expensive, but that is some of the draw too. I wouldn't mind getting one someday. I haven't got one clue what I would do with it.

Brian said...

You do know what BOAT stands for don't you? Bring On Another Thousand.

kludge said...

Is that true? Are you pulling my leg? Is that a noah joke? I don't know you well enough to know if your having sport with me Brian, so I will take you at face value.

If that is so, it's cool. If this is a joke, be glad your with the tar heels right now.:)

Windy City Survivors said...

Boats are VERY expensive. We used to go out on one with friends at Lake Sonoma. Just the gas alone to float that boat was $$$$$$. Wayne got a canoe. That is a very cheap boat-I approved that one. All you have to pay is the initial cost and paddles. Then the rest is all free - just takes some muscle to run that bad boy! :)

J Crew said...

I personally am not a fan of the boat, but hey, whatever floats your boat

Ando said...

I'm going on a boat later in the year. It's on the ocean and the boat is brand new and supposed to be really cool. It's called the Titanic. I can't wait.

kludge said...

WCS-

See even Wayne cannot resist the call of the sea. I would be terrified of navigating any vessel that soley depended on my muscle to power it. Wayne is more of a man then I am.

kludge said...

J Crew-

Very witty. We will see how long your resolve lasts. I think offspring might also drive us into the drink, but I'm not positive yet.

kludge said...

Ando-

Well, I hope you and all your white coated friends enjoy your trip.

PS - Don't forget to bring a life preserver or a Leonardo with you.

SJ said...

By the way - cool logo at the top -

kludge said...

Thanks, I've been envious of your husbands banner for months, and wanted see if I could get the formatting right.

Ando said...

Who's Leonardo?

kludge said...

Ando-

I think he's the 'king of the world...'

Ando said...

Or king of the dorks...

kludge said...

you’ll get no dispute here...