Sleeping With The Fishes

I know a mobster. He lives in my house, and eats food that we supply him. In addition we maintain his environment and assure that everything is clean and in good order for our mobster. I know he's a mobster, because I've seen him take another life. He did this unashamedly as my wife and I looked on in horror. I imagine he's proud of it. It's hard to be sure on that point, because he can't tell us. Lefty is a fish.

Above is the scene of the crime. The wife found herself a stellar deal on a huge fish tank. $100 bucks for a fifty-five gallon tank complete with stand and two whisper filters. For those not in the know, this is a phenomenal deal. It becomes even more phenomenal when you factor in the savings we managed when Patricia's father paid for it. I personally still do not understand how that happened, but I will say this. Never underestimate a daughters ability to get money from her dad. Having never been a daughter, I was unaware of this well know truth. As a father to two daughters I fear it in the future. Regardless.

We have a tank and we stocked it with fish. We put it up on a cabinet I made in our hallway. We did this so we could relax while watching cute fish swim around a tank looking happy. We did not expect to be yelling at the tank and gasping with horror as Lefty, the innocent white Molly, murdered another fish right in front of us.

We had three male Mollies and one female. Clearly a mistake. By some strange twist of fate one male Molly just disappeared one day. I thought little of it. Fish die. Especially in a new tank, death is pretty common. Two days later we were watching the fish, when Lefty made his move.

Right in front of us he chased is victim in circles and chomped at his tail with his miniature Molly munchers. Within seconds the other fish was losing speed and then Lefty proceeded to push him into our delightful tank centrepiece. A large rock that has been renamed, "The Tomestone." When Lefty was done, all we could see was a tail and bit of nose sticking out from under the rock. It was garish and unbelievable.

I of course responded with an excited, "Awesome!" Which was later retracted and substituted with a more sombre and fitting response to this tragedy. Patricia just now beginning to accept the crime that was committed in her supposedly calming tank. Personally I wanted to buy a few more Mollies. That suggestion received me a look that Lefty would have been proud of!


Jason Michael Parrish said...

Molly might be part Piranha.

kludge said...