Random Typing The Fourth

Yet Another Random Typing Post. I'm just going to let whatever thought pops into my head out for all the world to see. This is glimpse into my brain, or a warning not to read on. Whichever you prefer. Only spell check beyond this point.

Yet Another Random Typing Post. Almost sounds like it should be an acronym for something. Yartp. Like the sound a turtle makes just before it realizes that you're planing on eating it. I wonder who ate the first turtle? Seems to me you'd have to be pretty hungry to look to something that ugly for food. I presume of course that they'd had chicken and beef at this point.

"I'm not looking for something tasty. No, I was hoping for more slimy textures in my diet."

Dieting sucks. Honest. There is not a single pastime that makes you think more of eating than not eating does. I never get the sort of crazy craving I get except when I'm dieting.

"Well that salad was good. Maybe if I put some roasted turtle on there next time!"
"Yartp!"
"Oh look here's one now!"

What is a calorie? You can't touch it, but it can sure touch you.

"What happened to your pants?!"
"Calorie attack"

I love mail. Even junk mail. Not SPAM but junk mail through the postal system. Like advertisements for vacations I can't afford, free wet wipe samples or coupons for pizza joints in my town. Stuff like that. It's nice to feel needed, even if it's just by some large faceless company entered out in Omaha. Why do so many junk mailers come from Omaha? Who knows.

Never shake hands with a man in the restroom. Seriously. Don't even acknowledge another man exists in a public restroom. Some people are comfortable having long chats in the John. Those people are called women. Any man who does this looses serious points in my book. I'd rather rip my arms off and play croquet with them then have a long talk in the restroom. Can't you see the fear registering on my face?! Why are you still talking to me!

Oh look. Work has arrived on my desk again. I feel tainted, yet oddly obliged to do something about it...

4 comments:

Tony said...

"Oh look. Work has arrived on my desk again. I feel tainted, yet oddly obliged to do something about it.."

I often get that exact same feeling at work!

ViperMan2000 said...

I love your Random Typings. They're so funny! I should give it a try some day when I get a chance.

Jason Michael Parrish said...

Turtles are easy to catch when gathering/hunting and unlike cow-like creatures, will not kick you.

kludge said...

but... but... They just look so inedible! :)