20 Things I Learned From LAN Parties

While Cheetos are nice, they aren’t worth losing for.

No one should be able to hit 27 headshots in a row. No one.

Alliances were made to be broken.

Save a life. Strafe.

You can always find a bigger gun.

Campers are the dregs of the planet.

A friend at the chip bowl is an enemy at the bulkhead.

There are never enough health packs.

When in doubt, shoot to kill.

Severely over caffeinated. It's a gamers way of life.

Circulation is irrelevant.

Your mouse hand is supposed to be cold, yes it’s perfectly normal.

Playing within earshot of your enemies is always more enjoyable. Screams fuel frags.

Someone has to guard the flag. Sorry but it might be you.

Thirst is irrelevant.

Mercy is like a magnet for every backstabber in the game. Avoid it at all costs.

No one likes a whiny loser. Play to win.

Taunt the dead. It's the law.

If there’s no way to win, gang up on the leader.

It’s time to stop when the last player falls asleep on their keyboard.