Coconuts

“So, what’s for dinner?”

“Coconut stew.”

“Again?!”

“What do you mean again?”

“Didn’t we have that last night?”

“No. Last night was, coconut soup! I have to say I really liked that one, but I might change-”

“And Tuesday? What did we have Tuesday?”

“Coconut meat, served in a lovely coconut broth! My favorite! Before you ask, the day before was julienned coconuts in a hearty coconut stock.”

“You know, I might be going crazy, but they all sort of tasted the same to me!”

“Then you have a very poor pallet. They were hardly even similar.”

“What do you mean!? They’re all the same!! Coconut bits floating in coconut milk! Why do we have to eat the same thing every day!?”

“Look when we got stuck here, you put me in charge of food, right!?”

“Right.”

"It’s a little hard to find anything but coconuts on a deserted island the size of a jelly bean abandoned in the middle of the Pacific Ocean! I’m doing the best I can. It's not like we're lucky enough to have wild animals roaming around!”

"I could go for some fish."

"How? It's not like either of us are capable of catching fish. You wouldn't even recognize a fishing pole if you saw one!"

"Your point?"

"You're just too stupid to catch fish."

"That's real nice!"

"It's the truth. Besides, it not like you don't already know that. I'm not sharing an epiphany with you. I know you very well."

“I know. You're right, it’s just..."

"It's just what?"

"...I hate coconuts!”

“Well you could go back to eating bugs like you did before I figured out how to open these things! Do you remember those days?! Maybe I'll start serving beetles again, just so you appreciate everything I do around here.”

“I remember. Those were crazy days! I didn't realize how well armored a coconut was until I tried to crack it open on my own skull.”

“You did go a little overboard...”

“Well, there I was, coconut in hand for three flippin' days. Food right in my hands! Right there, and no way to get at it!! There’s nothing to drive you mad like having a huge pile of un-husked coconuts right in front of you for thirty-six hours while you’re still eating raw beetles!"

"I was cooking them by that point."

"Whatever."

“So all I’m saying is enjoy what you have! I don’t need you to have another episode. I couldn’t survive without you.”

“You’re right of course. I just feel like I’m losing my mind. How long do you reckon since the ship crashed?”

“About four or five months.”

“How long was Robinson Crusoe on that island?”

“28 years.”

“Never mind.”

“Hey, it was a different time! A lot less of the world was charted, no GPS, no Coast Guard. I mean they still sailed with wind!”

“I bet he didn’t try to open a coconut by thumping it on his head.”

“No... he spent his time building fortifications, exploring the island and hollowing out a canoe. He even collected salt for seasoning.”

“That’s a thought!”

“You want salty coconuts?”

“Never mind.”

“Look at least we have each other. It’s a good thing too, or we’d both go mad!”

“Agreed! Too bad your just a voice in my head.”

“Yea... Oh well. I guess that’s better than nothing though eh?”

“True.”

“Ready for some coconut stew?”

“You bet! I’m crazy hungry!”

5 comments:

SJ said...

Talking to yourself - a great thing as long as you have a good conversation!!!!! I started reading this right after watching Survivor and all they had to eat was coconut - - - - and they were going crazy - quite timely!!!! Creative once again!

I was starting to wonder if there would be a post today - I checked many times -

J Crew said...

I am not a huge fan of coconuts. but I have talked to myself quite often. I like it though. It's the only person who agrees with me 100% of the time

kludge said...

SJ-

How funny!

I want to say for the record, I've never seen an episode of Survivor and don't even have cable, so I didn't steal this from them.

It's odd the way that happens though!

Thanks for not giving up, I had a rough start today. :)

kludge said...

J Crew-

I love Coconuts, but think that after five months I might start hating them...

...as for the talking to myself, I do that now. Mostly, as I'm fond of saying, "Because I like to deal with a higher class of people."

SJ said...

See - I was telling Jeremy all day - I wonder if Kludge is at work or not - there isn't a post - - - - - glad there was one and yes, it is odd how those things happen - funny!!!!!