Advice

“Ready for the big race?”

“Excuse me?”

“The race... Are you ready for it.”

“I’m not here for a race. I’m here for carrots.”

“Ah. So then, what’s with the big number Eight on your side?”

“Can’t get carrots without it! Gotta get the carrots! WHOO!”

“You, uh, like carrots then?”

“Like carrots? No. I love carrots! I mean, obviously! Why else would I be here? I mean why are you here-”

“Because-”

“-I’ll tell you why! Carrots, and lots of them. I always get a bunch after a nice brisk run.”

“Man, are you a greenhorn!”

“Plantations Risk”

“Excuse me?”

“Thats my name... Plantations Risk. My sire was Plantations First and my dam was called Risky Lady.”

“No, today your name is Eight. See my number? You can just call me Two. I mean this is clearly your first race.”

“Yes, but I was assured that it would be no different than running at the track.”

“Sure kid. Sure. Did they happen to tell you about the other horses?"

“How many?”

“It varies. There are seven of us in this race. Ever run with other horses?”

“No.”

“Don’t worry, Eight it’s not that bad, it just gets a little crowded as we're all running together. I mean, well...there might be a little trouble not bumping into other horses sometimes. You know, when we're all trying to get the to same place first! Just be careful out there and whatever you do, don't fall down.”

“Why?”

“You could break a leg. Do you know what happens if you break a leg?”

“No.”

“They shoot you!”

“WHAT!?"

“Honest. They’ll snub you out! Without even flinching, or asking how you feel. You just need to be careful not to tangle to much with the other horses. You see, there’s this one guy with a gun on the sidelines. He only has one job. He doesn't feel right about getting paid unless he gets to kill a horse.“

“And a jockey.”

“What do you mean?”

“What about the jockey? He gets shot too, right?"

"No."

"Are you kidding! I mean if we get shot, then they should shoot the jockey too! It’s not really fair otherwise! He has as much to do with tripping us up as we do!”

“Oh no! That would be cruel. If something happens to the jockey, they carefully load him into a car and drive him off. They take him to the hospital and get him all fixed up. You know, so he’s ready for the next race.”

“WHAT!?”

“It’s the truth.”

“So he can do it again!? That hardly seems fair! This is horrible! I had no idea. Well... I’m not going to get to get shoved around like that.”

“You can’t dawdle though.”

“If they’re going to shoot me, you bet I’m going to dawdle!”

“That’s why the jockeys all have whips!"

"Whips?"

"Yeah, you don't look like your really running, and then out comes the whip! Wham! Wham! Wham! Boy that stings!"

"This is nothing like the track!"

"You want some advice friend?”

"Please!"

"You need to look like you want to win, but stay far enough back not to get hurt. They might not be pleased, but at least you’ll be alive!”

“Your right! Thanks. No amount of carrots are worth this! I going to start to work up a sweat.”

“You do that!”

“Bye, and thanks again!”

“One down, five more to go...”

~~~

“Ready for the big race?”

“I’m actually a little nervous. Say have you done this before?”

“You bet. You want some advice friend?”

4 comments:

Brian said...

Maybe this is the tactic I should have used when running track and cross country.

kludge said...

Brian-

Or put something in their water...

Do they shoot cross country racers!? I knew there was a reason I didn't go out for sports!

jenylu said...

I'll have to have my horse lover read this one. :)

J Crew said...

I love the names that horses get. The best of all time is atswhatimtalkingabout.