Monday, January 08, 2007

Veggie Crisps

I always feel poorly for people with really bad luck. This is primarily because I don’t think they deserve it. Luck is a term that we use to dismiss the odds of chance. As I see it, bad luck is simply thrust upon people, who haven’t done anything to warrant it.

Someone, for instance, with some dice in their hand, should roll more sevens than any other number. This is what statistics say. Statistics are hard and unbending. “Bobby will roll more sevens than any other combination.” Statistics cannot then understand how Bobby could roll forty seven times and never see a seven. This is not Bobby’s fault. This is just bad luck.

Bad luck is an affliction I have not often suffered from. That isn't to say, I’ve never had bad things happen. I have. Mostly these things are because of poor choices that I have made. My father once told me,"the majority of all accidents in life are caused by people doing stupid things."

At the time I didn’t want to hear the truth in these words. I was recovering from rolling down a rather steep hill and scraping myself up rather badly. Earlier in the day I had ignored my uncles guidance and had decided instead to follow the family pet across a dirt ledge. Amos had no trouble with the path he had blazed. He made it to the other side in record time. I on the other hand got myself wrapped up in someones fishing line and rolled down to the base of the hill. This was right by my rather stunned uncle and sister. This wasn’t bad luck. This was a stupid decision. Luck is quite different. There are two basic types of luck, good luck and bad luck.

Good luck is getting a second chance on a college paper because the day you forgot to bring it, is the same day that the professor called in sick. Good luck is being short on change and finding a quarter on the floor. This sort of thing happens to me all the time. Something for nothing. I didn’t earn it, or work for it, it just happened. As I figure it, for every person like me there has to be someone who gets stuck with an extra portion of bad luck. I mean luck cannot all be good. There must be some bad to compensate.

Bad luck is scrounging up one dollar in change and heading the the vending machine. Getting all the money in, even though you had to put the nickel through five times. Selecting the wholesome bag of veggie crisps located at the coordinates of A4 and then seeing the metal spiral unwind your snack but never seeing it fall. This is because your bag of veggie crisp have wedged themselves between the glass and ring. You shake the machine, pound on it’s front and malign it’s linage. After a while there is nothing left to do but buy another bag and hope to get them both down. You of course, have no more change, so you leave. All the while wondering how a package of veggie crisps can stay in such a precarious perch for so long.

I then walk up the same vending machine a little later to purchase a soda. It falls out, like always, and when I reach inside to grab it out, I’m greeted by an unexpected bonus! Veggie Crisps.

"Wow. What a stroke of good luck!"

12 comments:

J Crew said...

Those vending machines are notorious for that. It happens to people here at work all the time

kludge said...

I have to say the whole thing made me laugh. I suppose that goes without saying as I devoted an entire post to it.

Ando said...

"A real man makes his own luck."

Billy Zane, Titanic

kludge said...

Ando-

Thanks for the pearl of wisdom...

...although the fictional character of Caledon Hockley, played by Billy Zane, has oodles of credence with me. (Yes I had to look it up) He's wrong. You can't "make" luck...but it's okay for him to be wrong 'cuz he was the bad guy and all.

Boston Love said...

Ha!!! I cracked up while reading about your tumble down the canyon. I can still hear uncle Dan chanting, "Your Mother is going to kill me, your Mother is going to kill me...."

kludge said...

He was not very happy with me! What a memory!

When I'm idle I will find myself wondering sometimes what all that fishing line was doing on that dirt path in the middle of the canyon...

Ando said...

Normally I'm not given to quoting lines from Titanic (I do believe I'm one of the last 10 Americans to never have seen it) but that was actually a quote from Dwight from The Office, and we all know what a sucker I am for Office related quips and sundries.

kludge said...

Ando-

I'm actually relieved. I thought you might have broken down and seen it.

This new source seems more agreeable to me and it seems that I can even concur with the marginal message more easily. Thank you for putting my mind at ease.

Aunt Missy said...

And so it goes, does getting stuck in the snow by making a poor choice, bad luck, and then getting unstuck without the help of a tow truck, good luck?

I love maligning a inanimate object's lineage, that is always a good time.

kludge said...

Being able to make it through that experience and still be able to laugh about it, is definitely good luck!

Ah yes...good times. I like the word malign. It makes me smile to try and work it into posts. Even clumsily.

jenylu said...

So, do you LIKE veggie crisps? That would help determine if this truly was good luck.

kludge said...

Jenylu-

No, actually I don't. In reality I left the bag hoping someone would come back for a second attempt. I despise all forms of "Health Food" It messes up my well rounded junk food diet!