Honk At The Elderly

Tired of the same old games? Bored of concentrating on protected right hand turns or focusing on your parallel parking? Sick of having joy sucked from your heart why performing a complex three-point turn? Want to bring the fun back to the road? Wouldn’t it be nice to want to drive again? You’re in luck! I’ve discovered a new pastime that revisits the rapturous feeling the road once brought to you. I simply call it, Honk at the Elderly!

That’s right, it’s just that simple! Had a bad day? Want to get out your aggression? No problem! Are you just a prankster looking for a good time? Maybe you’re simply a vindictive jerk? Welcome! There is room for all!

So how do you play you ask? It’s simple. See an elderly person behind the wheel of a car, flail your arms and honk your horn! It’s just that easy! As you get better at this you can begin to add your own enhancements. Points for H.A.T.E. are accumulated in two ways. First is for the number of elderly piloted vehicles you honk at each day. These points are accumulated regardless of roadway offense. This is a very liberating rule, as you don’t need to wait for the elderly driver to make mistakes. Though from my personal experience if you do only honk at elderly people driving poorly, you can still amass a pretty fair number of points. Either way you will find yourself honking at Cadillac’s and Lincoln’s driving too slow, stopping at green lights and waiting for fire hydrants to cross at the crosswalk. I can honestly say I’ve never been so happy to be behind a meandering Mercury before this game. I almost get gitty inside when I realize that I’m stuck behind an elderly man riding his brakes uphill on a deserted road. I just grin, start pounding on my horn, and watch the points tick by.

The second way points are scored is by form. This is referred to as a Fancy Dan. A Fancy Dan is simply adding a flourish to your honk with either a personalized arm wave, well placed verbal slam or an acute car maneuver. A loud honk, with fists waving and then turning your car into a sideways screech is worth big time H.A.T.E. points!

Some folks might at this point be wondering if this new game might affect the feelings of the aforementioned elderly. Let me say right now that this is no concern whatsoever! You see, they don’t have a clue. How can that be you ask? Don’t they have a valid drivers license and a rear view mirror? Sure they do, but in the end while the elderly are allowed to drive they will pay not attention to you honking at them. Either they do not see or hear you or they just dismiss you as uninteresting. No one really knows what the elderly driver is thinking, but I can say that you can practice H.A.T.E. with no real repercussion from said elderly. So go out and Honk at the Elderly!


J Crew said...

I almost had to do that today to prevent them from crashing into me

SJ said...

This sounds like an interesting game - - - -

Ando said...

Rough day on the city streets today? Or just feeling mean.

kludge said...

J Crew-

I almost bashed into this guy who decided to wait to make a left turn till he had like a twenty car space.

I was near sobbing...

kludge said...


It's one I wouldn't honestly play, but sometimes elderly drivers make me crazy!

kludge said...


Maybe a little of both?

I'm not sure why, but it just struck me as funny for some reason!

jenylu said...

I don't think I could play this game -- I never learned to use my horn properly. Do you think I could rack up points by just complaining under my breath? :)

Jason said...

We need a points list, Mr. Kludge.

As in:

How many points does one get for honking at a Lincoln stopped at a green light?

How many points for honking at the old woman turning the wrong way down a one-way street because she thinks she's in London?

kludge said...


I would say 1 point for any honk, and somewhere between 1 -5 for a good Fancy Dan.

Since you can honk at any eldery regardless of wrong, the offenses don't do anything except raise your blood pressure which will probably result in a good flourish!

kludge said...



Since you're both the contestant and the offical you have quite a bit of leeway.

I'd give the horn a shot though, it's quite theraputic.

Anonymous said...

O.K. does picking on old people to make you feel "gitty" anything like getting "giddy" from picking on old people. Sorry I'm old and a lousy driver.