Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Letter to an HDTV

Dear HDTV;

I just wanted to start this letter by telling you that I wish you well and hope the best for your future. It appears for the most part that this wish is unnecessary, given all your new celebrity. I understand that you are pretty young and rambunctious and I believe that it might be possible that all this praise is going to your head. I understand that high definition is something ‘pretty swell’ but let me tell you as the voice of reason, any day a new super crisp or HDTV2 technology might come and shatter all your dreams to dust.

In order to avoid this you need to equip a dense fan base. Now might be the time to reach out to other crowds of people. Currently you have a strong backing of sporting fanatics. They all seemed rather enamored with you and your pixel count, but they are sports people, and in general, you will find that they only love you for what you show them, and not who you are. Geeks are quite different. We could spend hours just reading your spec sheet or polishing your screen. Geeks would love HDTV for what it is, a technological marvel, and not just a conduit to the ballpark. Most geeks, the real ones I mean, couldn’t correctly identify a major sporting event much less want to watch one in their living room.

This sounds great you say? You would like a cultish following of geek like zombies drooling over your resolution and dusting off your shiny surfaces? Want a user who knows the difference between hierarchical modulation and vestigial sideband modulation? I’m glad you’ve seen the light, but I’m afraid nothing is free. That sort of devotion doesn’t come cheap. If the geeks of the world are going to unite under the banner of HDTV your going to have to make some changes. I'm talking about your current commercials.

I have never heard a commercial for Star Wars on HDTV, or how many more hours of gaming your eyes can stand while playing in front of an HDTV. What I have heard about is how crisp the football jerseys look, how green the grass is, and how the popcorn vendor has some kind of a skin irritation. Like any of these things matter? Who cares if you can see that some human battering ram has a blank expression on his over abused face? In the end you have to ask yourself, ‘What am I getting a clear view of?” One guy getting the ball past the other guy, dancing in a rectangle? Or grown men slapping each other on the rumpus. Why would anyone what a clear few of that? I say, scrap the sports commercials and cater to the geeks.

In the end this isn’t a difficult petition, just a little understanding and time on your part to show you care about some of your future loyal customers. Really it’s the geeks that have the dough required to make extensive HDTV purchases anyway. This is just good business. Additionally we love all the gadgets, gizmo's and toys you want to be garbed in. Please consider what I’ve said and consider changing your current conduct accordingly. If you don't, the geeks of the world might revolt. This might not sound threatening, but remember when geeks get together in large numbers, new standards and technology emerge. Maybe even something that will usurp your coveted entertainment throne.

Your’s truly;
Peter Brown
Mid-ranking Geek Horde Member

9 comments:

Jason said...

Is vestigial sideband modulation modulation that's apparently useless? Much like the appendix is a vestigial organ?

Curious minds want to know.

J Crew said...

I don't see what's wrong with their commercials.

Signed,

a sporting fanatic

kludge said...

Jason-

In a way yes. It's a standard that strips away all but one channel for use...

so it considers the rest useless.

You've been enquirered!

kludge said...

J Crew-

Ha! Touché!

I was waiting for a sporting fanatic response.

Ando said...

Don't think for a minute that sports fans won't spend money they don't have for a Hi-Def screen. So you're geek=cash argument is sunk.

BTW, AT&T Park has announced its installing a 3200 square foot Hi-def screen in centerfield in March. No, I did not add an extra zero. That's 3 times the square footage of my house!!!

kludge said...

Ando-

I agree...but that wouldn't be as funny.

WOW!! That's gigantic! So you have to ask yourself, would I rather watch the field, or the TV?

jenylu said...

I'd forgotten video games fell in the geek realm -- that really widens the playing field!

kludge said...

Jenylu -

Good rule of thumb, if the activity is sedentary, anti-social and involves electronics geek will probably go for it.

Ando said...

No doubt!!

(on both responses)