Mind Boggling

So I met him. Yes him;the statistical improbability of the universe. Sure it was hard to believe at first but I suppose sooner or later someone would meet him or at least we would all hear a report on his condition. It just so happens I chatted with him, the one guy left in the United States of America who has not seen Star Wars.

I was flabbergasted. Of course I responded to him in an understanding way,

"So I said, 'Use the force!' Ha ha!!"
"You know... Use the force Luke!"
"Star Wars?"
"Oh....I've never seen Star Wars."
"Seriously!? What have you been doing for the last 34 years, living under flipping a rock!?"

Look I believe that there are people out there who have the ability to stand on their own behind, or even kiss it, but the odds of running into them are extremely low. In my mind this is the closest movie to a boyhood right of passage that has ever existed. Sure there are lots of iconic and memorable films out there, but when is the last one that actually change your outlook on the world? Every man I've ever met has had a secret fantasy that some old codger would find him one day, hand him a laser sword and explain he was the last person in the galaxy with the ability to save the universe from total destruction.

I saw Return of the Jedi in a dirty LA theater with my father and sister. I was six years old and it changed my life! We later rented the other two to help my young mind grow and learn! Star Wars wasn't about Luke, it was about all of us. It was about rising past your preconceptions of the physical world to grasp at something beyond your understanding. You get to save the princess, yell at droids, shoot down enemy ships and kick some remote butt with your flipping eyes shut!

How is that sort of elation not worthy a measly few hours of your life?

I wasn't talking to some 85 year old man either. This guy is in his late 20's. I can only imagine his reasoning. Maybe this poor clot believes that because it was filmed in the 1970's it's not worth his time. That's like saying no one had a great book written before the Kindle was invented. Idiocy. Or maybe he just watches Oprah and reality TV, I can only begin to fathom the listing for his Tivo.

Plus how many times has someone made a reference that he missed. I mean, how many Star Wars lines have just become part of the lexicon?

"I got a bad feeling about this..."
"No, I am your father."
"We're all fine here now. How are you?"
"Use the Force!"

And so many others. I could easily have a conversation with my friends using nothing but Star Wars quotes and we would all understand every word of it!

"Is there any more pizza?"
"These aren't the Driods you're looking for.."
"Last piece eh?"

I would say it should be required viewing for any American male, only that somehow betrays it. See, Star Wars just is. No one should have to be 'forced' to see it. In fact you should feel an empty spot inside you. You should be drawn to it like thirst draws you to water or how hunger drives you to get Taco Bell at 2AM. Star Wars is required by the male body for survival. In fact for your flesh not to yearn for it is wrong, scary and downright unnatural.


Tina said...

Gah! When I read your first line, and saw the picture, I thought: 'KLUDGE MET MARK HAMILL!!!!!' and freaked out a little.

kludge said...

Okay, that would be so much cooler!!