Revised Definitions

Ex·er·tion; noun "the act or an instance of exerting; especially : a laborious or perceptible effort." Merriam-Webster 1677

Ex·er·tion; noun "the act of sucking wind, sweating like a pig, and being unable to move easily the next day." Peter P. Brown 2008

I'm not sure if everyone would agree, but I'm rather partial to my definition. I feel that it gives more of a realistic grasp of what life it really like. Sometimes the dictionary can be so bland. I do understand, I mean, that really is its point. A simple, non-emotional glimpse at our language. What would an emotional dictionary really look like? Could you sell it? Would it's point be to help out folks get a real grip on words, or would it just be a gag? Picked up off the local library shelf by a group of twelve year olds looking for a laugh while awaiting a city bus interchange.

Who cares! This isn't some deep thinking blog. I'm here to clear my head of all the crazy garbage that builds up there. This blog is like a weekly yard sale. You know the place you stop by and go, "Why would someone even buy this?" Or, "Wasn't there just a pile of worthless trash here two weeks ago? How much junk can one person have?" Well, that about sums up my brain. So lets get purging!!

Debt
  • Conventional ": a state of owing"

  • Revised = ": the reason you have a flat screen HDTV, two new cars but cannot afford take out on a Friday night"

  • Divorce
  • Conventional ": the action or an instance of legally dissolving a marriage"

  • Revised ": the act of trading a spoiled relation with your spouse for a similar relationship with a lawyer that you can't yell at and costs you more than your, now happy, wife ever did."

  • Mechanic
  • Conventional ": one who repairs machines"

  • Revised = ": the person who explains how stupid you are while your wife and kids listen, only to add insult to injury by charging sixty dollars an hour on top of it"

  • Work
  • Conventional ": effective operation"

  • Revised = ": the pit of despair that you drag yourself to everyday to help pay off the aforementioned definitions"

  • Bacon
  • Conventional ": a side of a pig cured and smoked"

  • Revised = ": the sole reason you have for rising out of bed and dealing with each new day"
  • (Thanks to Matt Boyd for this link)

    Have any good revised definitions? I would love to hear them!

    11 comments:

    Missy said...

    My definition:
    Debt..what the dictionary says,
    Revised Debt..Melissa Huysentruyt, et al.....

    I just want a pizza for pete's sake, what do you mean we don't have enough in checking?

    Vacation: what the dictionary says,
    Revised Vacation: WHOO HOOOO! Hawaii here we come.....

    kludge said...

    Missy-

    WHOO HOOOO!! Love it!

    There is something about anticipating leisure that is so much fun. Sometimes as much as real relaxation.

    PS.. If you still are willing to post your brie and puff pastry recipe, Patricia and Jenylu have both asked after it!

    Missy said...

    Here you go, oh man this is good!

    Cranberry Chutney Brie

    Juice and zest from 1 large orange
    1 1/2 cups dried cranberries
    1/2 cup dried cherries
    1 cinnamon stick
    1 garlic clove, minced
    1 teaspoon minced fresh ginger (or dried)
    1/8 cup packed brown sugar
    1/8 balsamic vinegar
    1/4 apple cider
    1 thawed pastry sheet
    1 6" round brie (I use President Brie)

    In a medium sauce pan over medium heat, combine orange juice and zest, cranberries, cherries, cinnamon stick, garlic, ginger, brown sugar, vinegar and apple cider. Simmer 5-10 minutes or until liquid has evaporated and chutney thickens slightly. Remove and discard cinnamon stick. Cool and store in refrigerator if desired.

    To prepare brie with chutney in puff pastry:

    Thaw one package of puff pastry according to package directions. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Place brie on the sheet of pastry. Mound chutney on top of brie and around sides. Neatly encase the brie in the pastry sheet
    -- sealing edges. Bake for 10-12 minutes -- or until pastry is golden brown. Cool slightly before serving.

    Here are some tips that I've learned over the years -- use President Brie, it really works the best. Let it sit out for about and hour and a half before hand. Wet your hands when you are encasing the brie in the pastry dough -- you can get the dough to mold better. Sometimes I add chopped walnuts and add to the chutney too.

    Ando said...

    (Ok, 3rd times the charm)

    Your re-defined Exertion wouldn't have anything to do with my yard would it?

    kludge said...

    Ando-

    Thursday - Jumprope...
    Friday - Tennis...
    Saturday - Rock Hauling...
    Sunday - Moaning...

    Yea, I would say it helped!

    kludge said...

    Missy-

    Thanks!

    Becca Sports said...

    I like your definitions, especially of debt. Of course most people these days still go out to eat, even if there isn't $$ in the checking, they just charge it. That is why one day soon we will be able to afford to move back to CA (hopefully). :)

    kludge said...

    Becca Sports-

    I presume you speak of the current foreclosure market. Yes, indeed, life has changed out here.

    jenylu said...

    Can't think of any clever redefinitions but I'm quite delighted to get Missy's brie recipe -- sounds yummy!!

    Nick said...

    can i have a linkback from ur blog to my blog "ddlserver.blogspot.com"
    its page rank 2.

    i have already added your link.
    please check

    kludge said...

    Nick-

    Not from here. I'd be happy to give you links on my PPP sites though.