Going Out Of Business

"Welcome to the store! - We're Going Out of Business!"

"I see that."

"Yep, EVERYTHING MUST GO! We're closing our doors! We need to clear this place out! "

"Yeah, I saw the guys on the corners with the signs. That's why I'm here, so you can stop yelling."

"Excellent. Well, have a look around, and CHECK OUT OUR CRAZY DEALS! We've slashed prices by 5%"

"Excuse me?"

"I said, we've slashed prices by 5%, because WE"RE GOING OUT OF BUSINESS!"

"Uhm... That doesn't seem..."

"What?"

"Well, that's not much of a discount. I guess I was expecting more. You know, your competitors regular prices are probably better than your 'going out of business sale' prices. You're not going to move alot of merchandise like that."

"Well... We don't want people thinking that WE'RE JUST GIVING AWAY STUFF!! I mean that's just bad for business."

"But isn't that your problem. I mean, isn't that why your going under?"

"Well..."

"Normally when a place goes out of business they actually want to unload their inventory. Do you not want to get rid of your excess stock?"

"That's ridiculous, of course we want to unload our inventory. Why would we be offering these GREAT DISCOUNTS if we wanted to keep everything. Look at all these deals!"

"Okay, so for instance, this laptop has a scratched screen."

"Unfortunate."

"How much off can I get on top of the 5%?"

"We aren't discounting laptops due to their high demand."

"But you have 45 of them."

"We stocked up right before the CRAZY GOING OUT OF BUSINESS SALE."

"What!? Who does that? Your business practices are utterly absurd. Who adds inventory before going under?"

"Maybe there is a good reason were CLOSING OUR DOORS ON AN ERA!"

"Are you really going out of business?"

"WHAT! Why...uh, Why would you ask that?"

"There is just something about the way you keep smiling and posturing everytime you say these things. Like some sort of crazed carnival pusher. 'Step riggghht up young man! There's a winner every hour!' Kind of like that. I feel like you want to guess my weight or something. Are you really going out of business?"

"Yes. Absolutely. We are totally going out of business."

"Do you have a new job?"

"I do."

"Does it happen to be in this same building?"

"Surprisingly yes."

"Does it also happen that you will selling the exact same items with the same boss and same co-workers."

"By some odd sort of coincidences that is just how it ended up working out....ehm...oddly enough."

"But instead of 'The Machine Hut', you will instead be called..."

"The Machine Wigwam."

"How strange."

"Isn't it?"

"Uh huh..."

"Well...then, I suppose you aren't interested in any of our amazing deals then?"

"Surprisingly enough, I am not."

5 comments:

Jason said...

Perhaps the fellow should open a furniture store, guaranteed to never go out of business

Missy said...

Darn, Jason beat me today!

Ando said...

But wait, furniture stores go out of business all the time...oooooohhhh, now I get it. [blush]

Becca Sports said...

Gotta love going out of "business sales". You go in expecting at least 40-50% off and it's like you say 5-10% off. What? Sorry to break the news, but that's not going to move your inventory out, no wonder why they are going under. :) Great post!

jenylu said...

The whole time I was reading this I was picturing our experience in one of the furniture stores off of Piner. Let's just say we won't be lured in by that tactic again.

BTW -- I saw your name on our list of judges!! So cool. :)