The Peanut Butter Man

In typical Kludge Spot fashion, I've decided to post about something that is both completely obscure and pointless. This will be my second post about sneezing. I think, in general, it's a topic that needs more attention. I'm talking up the sneezing mantle. You'll notice I'm also wearing rubber gloves. Rubber gloves are a must when dealing with sneezing mantles.

It seems to me so odd that we bless people for sneezing. What in the world is that all about? Now I can see some of you out there looking all smug, like you know something that no one else does.

"Peter" Mr Smarmy-Pants gushes, "People used to think that a sneeze was the release of an evil spirit from your body."

"Uh huh."

"So," he smirks, "You see it makes perfect sense."

No it doesn't! I'm sorry, it this was true, and someone actually believed an evil spirit was escaping from Joe Sneezy-Face, I doubt these hyper-superstitious people would just say, "God bless you," and then go about their normal business.

No way. If these people actually believed that someone just released an evil spirit into an otherwise polite tea party, you wouldn't just smile nicely and get back to your scone. These folks would do what they always do. Drag the sick person outside and burn them at the stake.

As well they should. I mean really! If you thought some demon possessed nut case was out spewing evil spirits all around the town, while good people were innocently buying their collared greens, I should hope that you would want them to be burned at the stake.

No I imagine it doesn't have anything to do with demons. I bet it's just some weird thing that happened quite by accident. Like most things go, we've just forgotten the real reason, then made up this ridiculous story about evil spirits to cover but for our own ignorance.

The Bishop of London and brother Titus were just hanging out in London. A really old London, you know, right before the double decker buses. So they were padding down Queens Walk to the tube, when Titus just lost it. I mean he went nuts with some sort of crazed dust allergy attack.

People, pets, shopping bags and anything else that was near by was just covered. It was a real bad scene. So there they sit, after the carnage, surrounded by a load of very unhappy folks. The bishop knew that if he didn't do something fast, he could wind up with a load of egg on his face, er well, you understand.

So, the bishop, not knowing what to do, said the first thing that popped into his head. "God bless you". Needless to say, it was a hit. I mean everyone really got behind it. Soon everyone was blessing everyone else who sneezed. It went so far, that people were hanging their heads out of Hansom cabs just to get themselves a nasty virus so they could come down with a real serious sneeze. Blessing spread all over London and the world, and nobody had to be burned at the stake. Unless of course it was a witch that sneezed.

Well, that's my idea at least. It certainly seems more likely to me.

Oh, and I like peanut butter... The chunky kind mostly. Though some days I have been known to dip the smooth. Who can guess why.


Windy City Survivors said...

That's great...sneezing and God bless you. We live in a very Catholic area. Wayne says that when someone on the train sneezes that at least 1/2 a dozen people tell the person God Bless you. I believe they think that you lose some of your spirit when you sneeze.

Missy said...

Well it certainly does make sense. As always your imagination never ceases to amaze me!!

LOVE peanut butter, but never crunchy, butter is not supposed to have crunchy bits...

Ando said...

It was suggested on one Seinfeld episode that instead of saying god bless you, people should start saying, "You're soooooo good lookin'." Now who wouldn't want that?

jenylu said...

"If these people actually believed that someone just released an evil spirit into an otherwise polite tea party... These folks would do what they always ... burn them at the stake."

Good point! :)

I kept waiting for the post to get on to PB -- I love the stuff and chunky definitely rules!

BTW -- PB is the BEST cure for hiccoughs! One spoonfull cures them every time.

BBrito said...

Hey, if every time you sneeze, you lose some of your spirit, I would be a $#@*-ing zombie by now!!!
Waaait a minute... that explains a lot really, now that I think about it...

Franklin said...

I thought it was when you sneeze the devil tried to enter your body through your nose and saying 'God bless you' keeps him away.