Memory Foam Mattress

I saw an ad for a memory foam mattress last night. Something about it struck me funny. I'm not even sure why, but the idea of the foam being like,

"He's coming home tonight! I have to tell you nightstand I'm not looking forward to it."


"Why?! Because some idiot scientist got the crazed idea to give me a memory! Why? So I can recall the crushing feeling of his tossing and turning all night!? So I recall every last crumb of food and punch spilled on me and ground into my material by his constant up and down trips to the restroom!? Do you have any idea what's it's like to be molded into the shape of a human buttocks every night?"


"No, you don't! You have a hard lacquered surface! I mean, my one fitted sheet isn't much protection! I not sure I can stand it much longer! Plus, I remember every vicious detail, every second of my own destruction! And the worst part is, its what I was made for! Can you believe that!? Designed to be tortured and engineer to remember it. And they talk about cruelty to animals!"

"I'm sorry-"

"I know, and what's sad is that I can't talk about it to anyone."

"But you're talking to me about it right now."

"Yes, but tomorrow you won't even remember we had this conversation."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because, I've been telling you this for the past 2 years!"

"Oh. I'm sorry. Well... It can't last forever."

", not forever. I guess that's true. Too bad I'm rated for over 20 years. Only 18 more to go."

I don't know, kind of makes you feel bad for it. That's why I don't think I could get one. It just wouldn't feel right to do that to a mattress.


SJ said...

First, I can officially say (which is weird) that I feel badly for my mattress now - - - poor thing, but what I can say is that my feeling badly is overshadowed by how great a memory foam mattress is - - - I love it! I am sure that the mattress had horrible thoughts when I was pregnant - always trying to get comfortable, up and down to the bathroom all the time, heavier than normal - yikes - it was probably screaming!

Ando said...

I think there are a few other things you didn't mention that I'm sure the mattress would like to forget.

kludge said...


We've been wanting one of these for a while... Ours coming to the end of it's life soon and they always look so comfortable...I would just feel a little guilty :)

kludge said...

Ando -

True, we do watch a lot of Star Trek and classic musicals in the bedroom.

SJ said...

I know - I do now too!!!! Trust me though - they are they best!

Missy said...

I have heard it said that NASA has been in space for decades and all they come up with to make our life better is a memory foam mattress!!

I was awake at 1 in the morning a few days ago and I found TNG on! I was no longer upset that I was awake. Sometimes I love cable.

kludge said...


The other one I love,

"The USA spent 12 million dollars and 10 years designing a pen that worked in space. The Russians brought a pencil."

Windy City Survivors said...

Wow, I never thought that I could feel bad for something like a matress. We don't have a memory foam mattress, but I've heard they are great. We are almost due for a new mattress. We decided that every 10 years that we would replace ours, but now I don't know if I'd want a memory foam matress. :)

SJ said...

Trust me - don't let the post make you feel too bad - because the memory foam mattress is awesome!