20 Things I Learned From My Manager

  • Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. Those who can't teach, manage.

  • Numbers don't reflect reality, they create it.

  • Overlord Boss: Micromanaging you to an early grave!

  • When in doubt, call a meeting.

  • The only thing that would make life better is another pie chart.

  • It might be the best idea on Earth, but if you can't make me understand it, it's worthless.

  • I'll never get it.

  • The only constant is ignorance.

  • My door makes me special.

  • If managing is an art, then I'm a finger painter.

  • Everyone below me is an idiot, everyone above me is a deity.

  • Never measure, cut a dozen times.

  • Open door policy. If it's open, I'm out.

  • Promises were made to be broken.

  • Bitterness is the fuel that makes this office run!

  • If it can't be graphed, it's not important to me.

  • There's no money for training, so stop asking! Oh and remember I'll be gone next week at a convention in Palm Springs.

  • When you start to speak, I begin thinking about the features on my new Blackberry.

  • Don't mistake my nodding for understanding. It's just a reflex.

  • Your knowledge is an affront to my managing skills.
  • 5 comments:

    kludge said...

    Please forgive the bitterness in this post... It's been a bad couple of weeks.

    Dave Dragon said...

    Some of those ring true, unfortunately.

    Dave Dragon
    Ride it like you stole it

    Missy said...

    Bitter or not it's all so true and I haven't really been in the working world like that since the 80's and it was just like that then as well. Except for the blackberry, they were playing with a pager, which didn't do anything!

    Ando said...

    If I hear gunfire across coming from around the corner, I'll know what's up.

    I can offer my sympathy, but not empathy. I've been blessed to have good managers. Though I have definitely witnessed coworkers who were not so lucky.

    Windy City Survivors said...

    Ah, managers...some are wonderful and some, well, they shouldn't have a job. I'm sorry that you've had a bad couple of weeks! Hang in there.