Sneezing For Blessings

During my childhood, sneezing always seemed a rather violent act. When my father sneezed, bones cracked, car alarms sounded and people miles away were thrown through shop windows, where they were forced to purchased items they had no intention of buying minutes prior.

Needless to say that when dust was stirred up in my house, you found some sturdy place to anchor yourself against the impending shock wave, or suffered for your lack of preparednesses. Unless of course you wished to get downtown in a hurry.

As I grew up I spent lots of time cataloging different types of sneezes. Believe it or not, it's true. Some of us are just made to be human nets for the collection of obscure data. At this point in my life I believe that for as many different people there are in this world, there are just as many different types of sneezing styles.

Besides the aforementioned Back Cruncher, here are a few more from my lists.

The Single Standard Sneeze. This is a simple single sneeze, at an above average pitch. This is way they sneeze in Hollywood. Note that there is never anything expelled in the Triple S. That would not be sexy, and Hollywood cannot allow this. Everyone thinks they're a Triple S. Don't bet on it.

The Muzzle Muffle. This is a scary sneeze to me. The point is to keep the violent explosion of a human sneeze from erupting. This is the equivalent of putting your forefinger in a gun to hold back the blast. It might work for Bugs Bunny or James Garner but there is no way I'm going to try it. Muzzle Mufflers also think they can open a can of soda, after it's shaken, just by tapping on it.

Next is the Whistle Blower. I must say this is one of my favorites and we have a Whistle Blower in my office. This is a Muzzle Muffler lacking sufficient skills to hold back the tide. They try and stifle the sneeze but sound, much like a steam whistle, escapes. "EEEPP!" Whistle Blowers are great at parties. They're like a free Piccolo Pete. You supply the irritants, pollen, dust, perfume or whatever, and they go crazy. Let's get this party started! "EEEPP! EEEPP!"

The Extra Credit. This is a new one to me, but I feel for the person experiencing it. There is nothing as violent as three or four sneezes in a row. This looks like a major whiplash hazzard to me. The plus side of the Extra Credit is to get as many "Bless You"'s as possible. This is accomplished by performing around new folks. Those of us accustomed to Extra Credit, sometimes forget to bless at all, due to the sheer excitement of the show.

So there you have just a few of the sneezes from the catalog of an avid collector. Please feel free to share any you've seen.