The Last One?

Yesterday while sitting in my car, idling at the Starbucks Coffee drive thru line, I heard the strangest thing coming from the car behind me.

"Do you folks serve coffee here?"

"Yes"

"I want a coffee. What sizes do you have?"

"Tall, Large & Venti."

"Okay, I'll have a..."

Was I just witness to the last Starbucks holdout? Was it truly possible that there was a person living in America who had never been to a Starbucks before yesterday morning? How is that even possible? I found the prospect mind numbing. They didn't look like an alien, but I suppose that could be one explanation. In fact after yesterday morning, I'm more willing to accept the fact that aliens have landed on Earth, based solely on this fact that the mountain of silly photos and conspiracy theory's I've heard. Lets examine the facts together.

Even if they hadn't been before, because they either didn't like coffee, Starbucks or a little of both, I find it hard to believe they wouldn't know about the caffeine giant at all. The fact that they asked the "Do you folks serve coffee here?" question implies that Starbucks was a new concept to them. A total unknown entity.

I mean, the simple fact is, anyone living in my town HAS to see the Starbucks logo at least once a day. I can't drive anywhere in town with passing at least four Starbucks. In fact we have a spot where 2 shops are in the same mini mall, less than 200 yards apart! Add to the fact that they are both always busy! I mean, I think I can safely say, "Starbucks has caught on."

Additionally this person, this cave dweller, apparently cannot even read. Assuming for the moment that they made it through the last 15 years never seeing, hearing or passing any Starbucks. However absurd that sounds, we'll try and believe it. They, at the very least, should be able to see that they serve coffee. The word coffee is in the logo. It's like half the sign! In clear 54 point font!

So there it is. Were being invaded by aliens, or I just witnessed the most unlikely human in the nation. Either way the outcome is clearly astounding!

17 comments:

Ando said...

This is truly incredible. Are you sure this person wasn't just having a little fun with the worker, pardon me, associate?

kludge said...

Maybe they have been in a coma for 23 years, and they recovered quite unexpectedly. This occurred right when the live in nurse was in the restroom.

Thinking they needed to get to work, they got dressed just like it was 1984, and drove to where the Burger King joint used to be. In hopes of getting a styrofoam box of waffle sticks and a coffee.

This of course explains why there were surprised by the Starbucks. I think I could buy that more than anything else.

Roberta said...

That is pretty phenomenal. Even in my tiny town where we don't actually have a Starbucks, we're still surrounded on all sides by towns with two or three or ten. Because half the students commute from one of these towns to campus, you can't walk across the quad without seeing a telltale green straw.

Anyone that lives in more of a bubble than an Arcatan is a rare bird indeed.

SJ said...

It is possible this person was from the midwest - in the town I lived in, we would have had to drive like 150 miles to get to the nearest Starbucks -- so as crazy as it sounds to those of us who see them on every corner - there are those little midwest towns where that name is not common at all -

What I do have to question is their ability to read??? Like you said, it is in the logo. . .

Anonymous said...

I don't know. I suspect this could be my anti Starbucks coffee sister who is always grouchy ABOUT starbucks and if she goes there reportedly makes a production of ordering regular coffee. You aren't in the Denver area are you?

Missy said...

That person could very well have been my father. Okay, when he was alive, that man never knew about any latest trends. We went into a Farrell's Ice Cream shop once and he ordered three ice cream cones to go! When they told him we had to sit down, he laughed in their face, "What do you mean, I just want an ice cream cone?" Needless to say we left and got no ice cream.

It happens, scary but true, people don't pay attention. BUT, have you been to McDonalds lately? They make a killer iced coffee for 1.69 that I like a whole lot better than Starbucks, yes I said it.....

BBrito said...

ok. Totally alien invasion for sure. I'm in Brazil and here we have Starbucks... and I've seen it a thousand times in any movie too... I think I'll star to wrap my head in aluminium now...
b.

kludge said...

BBrito-

Thanks for stopping by! I see your from Sao Paulo (I have a friend who grew up there).

I agree, time to break out the Reynolds Wrap!

kludge said...

Anonymous-

Not in Denver, but yeah, I had wondered if it was just a anti-Starbuckian. They just seemed so honest... Like "hey, what isle are papayas on?" You know? Weirdness.

kludge said...

Sj-

150 miles to a Starbucks!? Sounds like a horror film!

kludge said...

Missy-

My father was like that too, but more by choice, loved people thinking he was a squared.

But really, even between Penn State games, they have to have a Starbucks commercial or two!

kludge said...

Roberta-

I accually miss some of our old local coffee shops that got run off by the Starbucks...

Mudds, French Quarter... My boss was saying there is an excellent place right across the street from HSU... something "grounds"

Tony said...

As I was reading blog entry, I mentioned it to my girlfriend. We both laughed at the "do you serve coffee here" bit.

...We live in Finland. Neither of us has ever been to the US. Ergo, neither of us has ever even seen a Starbucks. Neither of us has been on the same continent as a Starbucks. Both of us still know what they are, though.

Ando said...

That's hilarious that someone in another country who has never seen a Starbucks in person even knows what it is and this person didn't. Its sounding more and more like an alien to me.

jenylu said...

I am so impressed you have readers in Finland and Brazil! Hip readers that know about Starbucks no less!

Jason said...

What you have just witnessed is a real-live Robinson Crusoe. . .or somebody with Van Winkle Syndrome (VWS).

Were they driving a Gremlin or a Pacer?

This is interesting.

Franklin said...

I have never been inside a Starbucks myself, so I don't know anything about them either.