Under Guard

Last night was a milestone for me. I realized last night that there are people in this world who live on another plane of reality. A plane were fact and physics have no hold. Where all you have to do is dream and someone is going to get paid. That place is called marketing.

Yesterday evening I was asked to participate in a survey. I was asked to share my opinion on deodorant. This wasn't an extremely difficult task and I must say, for the most part, it was enjoyable. I was asked to rate about 15 new deodorant ideas. I really had to stop and think, "Do I care about my deodorant?"

Being a guy I can't say I've thought much about it till last night. I just go to the store and buy the same white and green container I always got. In fact when I was asked what I currently used, I had to stop and think.

"It's got a green cap. When I can't find it, I get the one with a blue cap."
"I see..." He sort of scribbled that down. "Do you know the scent?"
"It has a scent. I'm just not sure what that is."

So we continued and I was asked to rate new ideas. Ideas like putting human pheromones in a stick of solid to attract a potential mate. I had to be honest with him.

"I don't know what a pheromone is, but I don't care."


"Because I don't know what Sport Talc is either but I'd buy it in a pinch."

And so it went. Fresh meadow sent, to caffeine stick, to tingling gel.

"There are two types of sweat?" I ask.

"That's it's claim. What do you think about that"

"I think I better have a few more swipes each morning!"

I felt bad, because I was convinced that a deodorants job was to keep you smelling good, and most of these didn't really care about that.

"How do you feel about sprays?"

"I liked them in high school."

"That's interesting. Why?"

"Because at 15, nothing was as much fun as spraying someone down with a can of musk. Solid just didn't have the same effect."

"Ok. Well, what do you think about this one? We put silver in the stick."

"The metal, silver?"

"Yes, it will help kill bacteria that cause odor and keep you dry. It has encapsulated nano-technology that is time released to keep you dry. It will wick away any excess moisture and keep it from your clothes."

"Where will it wick it to?"

"I'm not sure."

"Can it come with a green cap?"


Roberta said...

I have to say, most deodorant marketing is lost on me. I buy the stuff that I buy because it says it's "natural" and because I like the scent: woodspice, or woodscent, er something... It's probably a guy's scent, but I don't care; I'm addicted to it.

I do like those ads they had where they put guys in absurd situations to see if their deodorant worked, like locked in a cage with a tiger or something.

Roberta said...

Of course, they didn't make me want to buy the product (point of fact, I can't even remember the brand...), but I found them entertaining.

. said...

I don't even buy the same brand of deoderant consistently. I usually just go with whatever happens to be on sale. In Jr. High I remember a guy in my class who would put it behind every joint, underarm, back of knees, opposite side of elbow. I think this may have been overkill, though I don't remember him smelling stinky.

Ando said...

That one above is me, btw.

Fernando said...

I´ve just realized, I forgot to spray some deodorant under my armpit today...

When was the last time I...


Spray deodorant makes a great flame-thrower!

kludge said...


"Raise Your Hand If You're Sure" I miss the cheesy commercials! I agree, they're lost on me too. My brain is just too weak to be turned by the newest thing.

SJ said...

I did one of those marketing surveys too and didn't realize until I started talking about it all the things that I take into consideration when buying my deodorant - I thought I simply walked in and picked it up. I was also amazed at all the commercials that I remembered! It really was a little scary to me that I could talk about deodorant for an hour. The money was nice though :)

Missy said...

How come you get the good surveys? I somehow make on the rounds of the state lottery survey, boorringgg!
As I sit here trying to remember my deodorant, I can't for the life of me, all I know is I buy the same brand for Joe and I, he gets the woman's scent, I get the man's. Oh yeah, it's degree, just popped in my head.

Jason said...

encapsulated nano-technology???

time-release scent blockers???