I Don't Want The Worm

I have just started a new work schedule. I had to fight for nearly two years to get this schedule. All I can think, now that I'm on is, 'How long before I can change back?”

The schedule is called "Don't Ask Me Anything Before 9:00!"

I'm now working four 10 hour day's. This schedule looks really good on paper. I mean, is a ten hour shift really that much different than an eight hour shift? Some days I end up working an hour late, just because I had a couple of things I had to finish up. I can't imagine getting up an hour earlier will be that hard. Besides getting a whole day off sounds great! So I finally got my boss to approve this new schedule.

"Just come in an hour earlier, stay an hour later Monday though Thursday and you can sleep in all day on Friday!"

"Wow! I can totally do that!"

"Okay, I'll see you Monday morning at 7:00."


This means I have to leave the house by 6:30. Which means I need to get out of bed at 5:30. Okay, that's not bad. I just keep telling myself, “It's only an hour. It's only an hour.”

This morning at 5:30am came like a steaming locomotive with no brakes, and I was laying across the tracks. One minute it was 11:00pm and I was coming to bed after a couple hour of gaming, and the next moment I'm retched from a perfectly good dream about slaughtering a pack of vicious Orcs, so I could see my alarm clock cheerfully cranking out it's hideous morning melody.

"Wake up sleepyhead! It's time for another wonderful day!"

After telling the alarm clock what I thought about it, my eyes start closing again. “Get up!” My brain hollers, and much to my surprise, I do. I did it. I'm on my feet and out of bed at 5:40 in the morning. This is going to work.

There is nothing quite as dangerous as a safety razor in the hands of man who is having trouble keeping his eyes open while the warm shower is lulling him back to sleep. As I stand there, looking in my shaving mirror, with my mouth open, trying to decipher which parts of my face I should remove and which part I need to keep, I realize it's 5:45. What I'm doing up at 5:45? I have no answer for myself, because I'm staring back at shadowy jawline with an feeling of a sleepwalker. I also realized that I could absolutely fall asleep standing up in a shower, even while soap runs in my eyes.

In fact the only reason I'm not still in the shower is that the water went cold. I got to work, after snapping at my completely innocent wife, and narrowly avoiding killing myself and a dozen other drivers on the road. I poured my coffee and tried to dunk my head directed in the mug.

I wasn't really doing anything remotely 'work-like' till about 8:30ish.

I asked some of the guys how long it takes to get used to the new hours. Most agree about a month. Only 29 days to go.

They say, "The early bird gets the worm." Well, as far as I'm concerned, he can have the blasted thing!


Missy said...

So...the great falsehood in 4 tens is the day off!!!HAHAHAHAHA, especially since you have children!!!! Okay sorry to burst your bubble even more. I am sure you are going to sleep and sleep on that Friday morning.

So after the snap at the wife, did she tell you to "drive carefully" I might have thought twice about it....I know you are supposed to hate only that which is evil, but I hate 5:30 am, so maybe it is evil.

kludge said...


you are absolutely right! So far, we have over a month of Friday plans that will interrupt with that "day off" idea. Oh well, at least I can be in my sweats at home.

I don't think she was at all sad to see me leave this morning. I didn't hear a 'drive carefully', but I wasn't really in isten mode.

The florist loves these days...

Jason said...

Worms don't sleep. They're just more active at certain times of the day.

But they can remain dormant for years.

kludge said...


...I feel like I could like dormant for a year or so myself.

It's the whole eating dirt thing I'm not quite ready for.

SJ said...

5:30 a.m. is super early - but just think how great Fridays will be - - - on Friday when that alarm doesn't have to go off, life will be grand :) So does this mean no more Friday posts????

Sarah said...

So is Friday a vacation day or a I get to take care of my kids day and help run to the grocery store and Target and where ever else my wife needs to go day?

SJ said...

I think it is great you will have Fridays with your family!

kludge said...


This is all an elaborate scheme to get me out of trying to come up with any more conversation posts. That idea sorta fizzled...

kludge said...


That has yet to be seen. Additionally I've found that I'm okay with getting up and doing stuff, as long as I don't have to be 'at work' doing it.

Such is the human condition I suppose.

kludge said...


What was I thinking!?

Windy City Survivors said...

You will get used to the hours and will enjoy the extra day off. Of course Wayne says that when he did it that Friday was kind of a wasted day because you were trying to catch up on being exhausted from the other 4 days. But, it is one day less of work.

Jason said...

Will Kludge ever post again? Or will he continue his 10-hour-work+ work days?

Time will tell.

BeccaGirl said...

Hmm, we have been thinking about this 4 10 hour days schedule for a while in this office. We just mentioned it for the first time a couple of weeks ago. Your post makes me have second thoughts! Especially considering I have a hard time making it to work on time at 8:30 am. It's ok to come at 9 am, but I usually stumble in around 9:30am. This will mean I will have to work till 8 pm!!! I'm thinking of changing my mind lol