Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Will Flee From Bees

“Welcome to the Friday meeting of ‘Afraid of Bee’s Anonymous.’ As always we are meeting in the heavily fortified fortress that is Franks basement. I wanted to start the meeting off by letting you all know we have canceled the picnic, on account of possible sunshine. Additionally I want to apologize for the snack last week. It seems that someone brought honey to serve on the scones. They were new to our group and didn’t know that some of our members were also scared of bee by-products. They have decided not to return. Something about our 'freakish' ways. In other agenda items, Frank said we can’t keep meeting in his basement after May as his mom wants to install a few windows for air. We will have to find a new meeting place that is non-bee friendly. With the business out of the way I would like to welcome our newest member, Peter.”

-clapping-

“Hello my name is Peter and I’ve been afraid of bees for eternity”

Bees. Mean. Evil. Ugly. It’s true I’m deftly afraid of bees. I’m not even sure why. There is just something about them that absolutely terrifies me. As a child I used to get stung quite a lot. I lived for six years at my grandmothers house and she had a pool. We loved the pool and were attracted to in the summer. For some reason so were the bees. I was probably stung a half a dozen times every summer. I will never understand why they liked hanging around the pool because while I could go underwater safely they would die. Regardless it never dissuaded them.

That might be why I decided, then and there, that bees are evil. There are lots of different types of bees. I know that and I don’t care. I’m lumping them all together. Bite or sting it’s all the same to me. They are all heavily armed and have amazing mobility to boot. It's like a mini fighter jet on a shooting spree! Why give a flying bug artillery? That is just asking for trouble. There is something in their little insect brain that says, “I must punish the fleeing humans!” When it comes to bees, I’m not a fighter, I’m a fleer.

Additionally they are ugly. I mean just look at a wasp. They are barely held together, all segmented and sleek. Maybe that’s why they all have such attitudes, some sort of ego boost. “I might be ugly fella, but you're the one running through the house screaming like a ninny and waving your arms while in your underpants! Take that!” -Sting!-

Be it silly or not, I will probably not get over this anytime soon. I suppose if nothing else, I can provide some excitement, and enjoyment for those around me!

11 comments:

Ando said...

Few things are funnier than watching someone flee from a bee. They always contort themselves in some bizaar, unnatural position as they try to escape and maintain visual contact with the assailent. A truly good time for the observer.

kludge said...

Ando-

There is a clarity that comes after fleeing, it also has a rapid replay function. I can always see how stupid I must have looked and acted at the time.

It's just hard to suppress terror....

...as it is equally hard to suppress peoples laughter. :)

J Crew said...

And you have provided oodles of enjoyment for me. BTW.. I would not like to see it, but I bet you running from a wasp in you Hanes is pretty hilarious.

SJ said...

I am terrified of them - - yet spend most of my days trying to convince 3rd graders on the playground/at lunch that they have nothing to "bee" afraid of - - - - - while inside I am dying!!!!!!

Sarah said...

I loved the blog about the bees. I remember when I was young. There was a bumble bee crawling on the ground. I looked carefully and didn't see the stinger so I thought it didn't have one. I let it crawl on my arm and pet it for awhile. Megan didn't want to pet it so I let go. Then Megan did want to play with it. I picked it up and IT STUNG ME!! I went crying to my mom and then megan ran in saying, "I didn't pet the bee!"

kludge said...

J Crew-

Count yourself lucky. I've been told it is quite a thing to see!

kludge said...

SJ-

Way to brave through your fears!

I would always keep a 3rd grader handy though, in case to need to sacrafice one to the bees...

... or at least give you time run away!

kludge said...

Sarah-

You obviouly didn't (don't) have a fear of bees!

I thing your sister sumed this up pretty well...

...Don't pet the bee! :) hilarious!

Windy City Survivors said...

I'm with you Kludge on the bee thing. Only now like SJ, I have to be "brave" around the girls. I don't want to pass on my fears to them. If they fear them, I want it to be something they come up with, not something I've put in their mind. :)Wasps should just be done away with. At least honey bees do something for us, but what do wasps do?

kludge said...

WCS-

I agree with you, Wasps, Yellow Jackets and Hornets can all be wiped out in my opinion...

...I understand about the delicate balance of the ego system and all, but I'd gladly give up bok choy to wipe out the little beasties!

Tara said...

This post made me laugh! There was a Scrubs episode and J.D. freaking out with his body controting and screaming "Bee" was so spot on with all of us bee haters. What's worse, is that alot of people act like a bee is no big deal until one is flying around them, then they freak. (That would be me).

This also reminds me of when Josh and I were younger, our dad built us a playhouse and several times each year there would be a wasp nest in it and we couldn't play there until the nest was dealt with. I can't stand bees!