Dear Earl of Sandwich-
I pray this correspondence finds you well, I suppose it doesn’t truly matter as you are deceased. I wanted to send this letter earlier so it would reach you but seeing as you died in 1792, I suppose there was little hope of a timely delivery. You might be wondering why, after so many years had past, someone would take the time to write. I wanted to tell you of my undying love for your keen mind and creative intellect! I would like to let you know sir that your triumph lives on. It seems sir, that your invention has a place in eternity.
I wanted to let you know that your invention, the sandwich, holds a special place in my heart. When I was a lad I always took the condiment and meat stacking task to be one that had been done for eons. I was quite surprised to learn in my adolescence of the sandwiches origins. It seems while my colonial forefathers were beginning the task of asserting their rights, you sir were creating snacks that might have made those revolutionary's happy to stay within England's grasp.
The sandwich sounds so simple, bread, meat, cheese, bread. Add some spread, pickles, tomatoes or what ever you fancy and something miraculous happens. The thing is greater than the sum of its parts. It amazes me this hadn’t been stumbled upon sooner. Imagine what culinary delights were missed by previous generations. A nice cold cut of mastodon rump served with honey on a crunchy nut bread. Were it be that you were born years before! Who knows if the time would be right though, or your influence wide enough. Maybe your invention would have just fizzled into obscurity!
I cannot think on a world without the sandwich. Would we know what to do with Thanksgiving leftovers, rough cut roast beef or even the lowly baloney? We owe you quite a bit. Delicatessens, corner sub shops and even a popular comic strip are devoted followers of you sir. I have been told that the invention was due to a lack of restraint on you part. That because you spent long hours at the gambling table and didn’t want to break for supper. You asked to have you meal assembled in a more gambling friendly fashion, and so the sandwich was born. Is this true?
I generally do not approve of gambling, and believe that little good can come from it. Mostly it tortures souls, leaves people wanting and creates an addiction to greed. Additionally it leaves many people penniless, and unhappy. Once I discovered that the sandwiches origins might be at all connected with this vile affliction, I paused. I decided if something as good as the sandwich could come from it, than it couldn’t be all bad. At least all that suffering hasn’t been in vein. I can now get a ham and swiss on rye, so I suppose it all worked out in the end!
So here’s to you, the 4th Earl of Sandwich, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
PS. Sorry to be the one to tell you but they renamed the Sandwich islands. I for one thought it was a travesty and think Hawaii is a ghastly name.