Oh Spammer

Oh Spammer, dear Spammer
You’re driving me mad
With pill pushing, stock tips
You suppose I’ll be had
And buy up your goodies
From some cool website ad

I just want to tell you
I don’t need your meds
Not Soma nor Xanax,
Nor pills for my head.
I don’t trust your notes
But my doctor instead

Now there is the recent
Sending out a stock fake
All emails to Bobby
Come to me by mistake?
I’ll lose all my bread
But you’ll thrive in my wake

An since we’re just chatting
I think you should know
I just won the lottery
Four times! Is it so?
Please tell Sir Steven Smith
I have doubts of his dough

Oh Spammer just stop
You’re not getting my clicks
I’ve been blocking you out
‘Cause my software predicts
Just what you’ll try next
It is learning your tricks

And here’s just a line
To who's buying your stuff
You're filling my inbox
And enough is enough
If I ever meet you
I’ll be treating you rough

-Peter Brown 2007


J Crew said...

I am no fan of span, either food or web

kludge said...

I've never tried spam before. I'm not sure but I think I could go for it...

...I've been told the Hawaiians love it!

Ando said...

Well said, friend.

How are those new-found digging muscles today?

Word Verification-kwailhz

Kwanzaas less bountiful cousin.

SJ said...

I do hope that some day I can purchase a book of Kludge Spot poetry! I hate spam - the food and what comes to the inbox! I don't advise trying it :)

Jason said...

Beautiful, just. . .weep weep. . .beautiful

kludge said...


I moved dirt and now I hurt.

What else can I say?

kludge said...

Jason -

My poetry makes lots of people cry...

...oh well. :)

kludge said...

SJ -

Me too. I'm sick of getting assaulted with SPAM. I don't know...

...spiced ham sounds mildly interesting...

Windy City Survivors said...

i absolutely hate web spam. I think it should be against the law, just like junk mail.

Roberta said...

My mom says they ate a lot of Spam when she was a kid, and now the very thought of it makes her stomach turn. I've never actually tried it, but something about canned meat just doesn't sound right.

Jason said...

Does anybody know where the word spam comes from?

Roberta said...

According to the OED:

1937 ...Hormel & Co...launched the product Spam... The ‘think-up’ of the name [is] credited to Kenneth Daigneau, New York actor... Seems as if he had considered the word a good memorable trade-name for some time, had only waited for a product to attach it to. 1937 ...Hormel & Company... Spam..For Canned Meats, Namely, Spiced Ham.

After that, I believe it was applied to anything with questionable contents, i.e. e-spam...

Jeremy said...

I am starting to think somehow I ended up in "bizzaro world" this week... No Kludge Spot posts at all! But the Fellowship is 4/4 so far this week... Whats going on? Where are you kludge? Don't abandon us to reading about the Spammer for the rest of our lives.... SAY IT AIN'T SO!! SAY IT AIN'T SO!!

kludge said...


I took a number of days off... And wanted to try and stay home Friday too, but I couldn't swing it.

I was actually just waiting till you commented Jeremy. I can't go on without your inspiration. :)

Brendan said...

Howard once told me that he bought something from a piece of spam. Apparently when it arrived, he was displeased with its quality.